Music has always been an integral part of my life and in addition to writing, has taught me more about the kind of person I truly hope to be. Share in my life lessons and moments that take my breath away as I go through the life of being a cover band girl.
11.08.2009
Is it possible to be human?
10.20.2009
The Power of a Smile
Frankly, it doesn't matter to me what they do in their school picture, just so long as they pose nicely and do the few, simple moves that I ask of them. I need to be able to do my job effectively so that they feel it's satisfactory to show to everyone else. But when it comes down to it, there's just that something warms me inside the minute I know that that smile was made for me (or by me). Like last week, I was taking pictures of six little preschooler girls at an academy......and they were adorable! Each one came up to me, posed perfectly, gave me their best smile, then went back to sit with their class. After calling each of them by name and interacting, they inquired my first name. I said, "my name is Jennifer," which was followed by the teacher saying, "say thank you to Miss Jennifer." In unison, they thanked me.....and I was reminded of why I love children! Just that moment that they gave me one extra smile after the camera was turned off reminded me that it's those simple moments that mean the most.
10.11.2009
Finding my voice......
Before the band scene majorly factored into my life, one would be hard pressed to find me out at a show. In fact, one would be hard pressed to find me anywhere without my ex. As a West Point cadet, Kyle (my ex) always had to follow certain rules and regulations. I can distinctly remember one weekend where I waited nearly 90 minutes in a parking lot until he was released by his commanding officers. Needless to say, I was not happy about it, but I learned to adapt to these rules and regulations myself. It was almost as though I was living his lifestyle with him......only from outside the barracks of West Point.
If there's one thing I now understand, being alone as an Army girlfriend was one of the loneliest existences one could ever face. I can't remember a day where I didn't cry myself to sleep or worry about the future of my relationship. And I couldn't even talk to other Army spouses without Kyle having an issue. It was isolating and cold feeling like that. I needed warmth and love beyond all other things............and it was lacking. The picture below on the right was taken about a month after Kyle broke up with me........I wasn't ready to face life. I wanted to hide, especially after the way I had isolated myself from everyone. Luckily enough, when I really needed them, my friends were there for me, without question. I'm grateful that they stayed in my life.
Looking back on it all, I was determined that in my next relationship, I would not only try and give more time to my friends, but also to the person I was with. I wanted to be able to spend time with them whenever I wanted to, without any restrictions in my way. It was also important to find someone who would want me as I am, not who they imagined me to be. Because if I couldn't be myself, then who was I, really? So I spent more time going out with everyone.....and on those days that I needed to cry, my friends allowed me to get it all out and then they would take me out for a nice relaxing night. After a while, I forgot what a night by myself felt like, since it always felt like everyone took turns kidnapping me for a little while. All I wanted was to return to those moments where I felt the most alive.......and happy. I needed to get back into the music scene by any means necessary, no matter what. It was where I felt alive and happy and safe, away from anything that reminded me of my past relationship and the path it had taken me down. I needed to find the girl that danced to the beat of her own drum.
9.28.2009
In the beginning.......
In fact, I felt they were a COMPLETE waste of my time! A recent college graduate, engaged to my West Point sweetheart, I was ready to embrace being an Army Wife. I had no time to waste on frivolous things like going to the club or a bar for amusement. I had to worry about formals and deployment dates. It felt like living in a constant state of panic, because here I was, only 22 years old, having to worry about my fiancee never coming home from his deployment. While it was a little less than two years off, it scared me senseless. Never had I had to worry about adult responsibilities of this caliber. I was still focused on my new full-time job and making ends meet as I moved out of my house.
I was soon to find out post-West Point that my life was not going to go in the direction I had thought. Just after a year of being engaged and four years together, my ex ended our relationship while posted at Fort Sill in OK. There was no conversation, no interaction of any kind. Just a text message explaining that he did not feel the way a future husband should feel about his future wife. The pain in the end tore me apart in ways I refuse to re-hash here, but I know ended up better for me. I started to hang out with friends more and re-connect with the world I had come to let go of for so long. And when I started to go back to seeing cover bands, I felt at home.
As I learned, time changes perspective, people come and go, and even I started to respect and admire the musicians who took their time to play my favorite songs. In fact, if it hadn't been for returning to shows, I don't think I would have been dating my current boyfriend, Matt. That's him, kissing my face. Strangely enough, he's a cover band musician himself, performing in one of the biggest cover bands in NJ. I don't know where I would be if it had not been for his ability to remind me that while one door closes, another one opens right before you. I would not be the person I am today had it not been for him. Where my dreams in my previous relationship were encouraged then discouraged, Matt has always supported anything that I decided I wanted to do in my life and because of that, I've found my niche.