This morning, while Matt & I were up at 4:00 am (oddly enough) watching three days worth of DVR'd Jeopardy, the idea of catching the sunrise this morning was brought into play. Matt had never had the chance to watch the sun rise while on the beach, giving us one hell of an opportunity with timing.
So by 5:20 am, a plan was solidified and with a cup of hot coffee, layers of clothes, my camera, and an eager boyfriend, we set off for Spring Lake Beach to partake in one of nature's most beautiful moments. (And a first for me to watch the sunrise with a significant other - I have had the pleasure of witnessing this phenomenon at least once before with friends when I was 18.)
While the days have been getting slightly warmer, don't let "spring" fool you...it was freezing this morning. (Shortly after leaving the beach, my hands took turns thawing out on the heater...yes, while driving.) But when we arrived, the familiar pinkish hue started to peek out from the horizon.
Grabbing our gear, as Matt had decided his acoustic guitar (that he didn't even use) was needed, we set out in the morning chill. The beach had a serene quality in the aftermath of Sandy. The boardwalk was completely washed away as obvious by the cement foundations lining the beginning of the beach. It felt weird walking in between them, finally witnessing the aftermath after months of trying to avoid it.
The scene was absolutely breath-taking. A moment that, since Matt and I were the only ones on the beach (or at least from what we saw), it felt like we were the only two people witnessing this glorious occurrence. All the colors that Matt hopes to capture in one of his paintings, beauty that I almost felt my camera could not fully capture, and a momentary feeling of peace and euphoria.
With my camera, I felt invincible. I felt my stride come back, adjusting the settings as I sought to capture the way the sun peeked out from the horizon, casting its shimmering glow onto the ocean. Matt looking like a miniature when placed in front of the vastness of the water. (Watching that child-like wonder made me fall in love with him all over again.)
This morning felt like a revelation, a breather, an epiphany. I have spent so much time lately trying to be perfect at everything...except being myself. I've neglected that for a while now. Only recently did I start to feel like discovering music with passion again. Only recently did I start bringing books to read at any random moment I have. Only recently did I start breaking into my vinyl collection for a few hours every week while cleaning (or reading).
The sunrise stays true to itself, shining as bright as it can and letting the world see its natural beauty. I need to be like the sunrise. I need to stop hiding below the horizon and find me. So far, I've done a great job of getting to myself, but I have a long way to go still. I have yet to peek out from that horizon. That's the hardest part.
So with a calmed mind and a sense of purpose, I continue to push harder, to be the person I know I need to be. To be the sunrise and shine bright. To aspire to what I know I'm capable of, rather than settling for what I think I'm worth. It's going to be beautiful. It's going to be adventurous.
And damn it, it's going to be breath-taking.
~ Jenny Rockstar
