Friggatriskaidekaphobia....meh, whatever

Today is that uber-superstitious day again : Friday the 13th. Some people shy away from it, choosing to avoid all black cats, walking under any/all ladders, and anything with  ominous numbers. On the other hand, there are others who choose the other side of that coin; they dare to bend the rules and defy the odds by any means necessary. 

I tend to look at Friday the 13th as a "whatever happens, happens" kind of day. I have had positive and negative experiences on this very day. It doesn't mean that I'm not superstitious....quite the opposite. I don't step on cracks in the sidewalk, have an aversion to walking under any ladders, and treat mirrors like a fragile trinket in fear of breaking one. No, I just don't look at a day that is normally attached to "bad luck" as anything more than just a day. 

It got me thinking about the idea of good or bad luck. I do believe in it, yes, but sometimes luck is what you make of your choices. Luck is determined by you, not by some divine spirit. If you want something bad enough, the cards fall in a way to cater to your favor. It won't always be easy to reach for it, but it's possible to attain it with a lot of hard work. 

While I eagerly try to find some semblance of a "Friday the 13th" marathon, I can rest easy knowing that these superstitions don't dictate my life....I do.

~Jenny Rockstar

I think Oscar Wilde had it right....

Sometimes (or actually quite a bit), I tend to reminisce about the past and how it brought me to where I am now. I look through old pictures, books of memories I have saved, listen to songs during that I had listened to during that time. Last night was no exception.

As I sat there with my book of memories open and flipping through my iPod for music, I felt the urge to put on the soundtrack for The Last Five Years. Flipping through the familiar tracks and re-living those memories, I reflected on where I was at that point in my life....2005.

Just out of college with the world ahead of me, I was still rather sad....even if I didn't want to acknowledge it at the time. I kept deluding myself that I was truly happy, even though I felt like I couldn't be myself for fear of rejection. Instead, I allowed others to mold & form me into an individual that today, I would probably sit down and lecture for their behavior. I was isolated from my old self, the one that loved to dance and sing and fill life with beauty and vibrancy. 

The world felt like it was on my shoulders, literally. I had a family to keep happy, a bf to keep happy, friends to keep happy, a quest to find a job, a dream I was afraid I wouldn't reach and the nagging thought of rejection preying on my mind. I was a mess in many ways. When you graduate college, people think it's common to find cocky, confident graduates thinking they were going to make it. I wasn't one of them. I put up a good front that I was, but I worried about failing more times than anyone will ever know.

2005 was a lonely time, but not the worst one. (I think 2007 gets that honor.) It has taken me a long time to catch up with all those things I missed out on during that time, but I've finally gotten there. The past taught me to never let anything hold me back, whether it be a relationship, a job, my own insecurities, even a loved one. If it's what I want, people will understand. 

I know it's not the end of me occasionally looking back on my past, but I know that my future looks a lot brighter than I can understand. It's what I make of it....not what others want it to be.  

Finally, I get to be myself.

~Jenny Rockstar

Clearing the mind....and some dishes

As I was tidying the house today, I couldn't help but feel my mind become less cluttered with every piece of clean clothing that was folded and put away, beds made, dishes washed, everything in its place. Normally, I'm alright with leaving the house in a bit of clutter, as long as it's not too out of control. But, as always, the clutter piles up and up and before you know it....there's more mess in a space that was once clean.

Lately, I've been wanting (and sometimes needing) that cleanliness in my life. Mainly because it makes the house look pretty and inviting, but also to help me think clearly. For so long, I was okay with the clutter. Looking back on that feeling, I probably tried to avoid dealing with the mess that needed to be organized and thought out. Instead, I would work to fill the mess with more things that may or may not help me to find the solution. Unfortunately, it never worked. So with time on my hands and a head full of junk, I started cleaning.

At first it seemed daunting, just like any task. But soon enough, when I finished one thing, another thing would be started without hesitation. And slowly, but surely, as each task was accomplished, I felt freer. I felt less discombobulated and scatter-brained. I felt more in control of my life and all around me. Everything was being put in its place, space was being created for new things; my mind felt more at ease with every dish that I laid out to dry. 

I realize that there's still more to go, but I'm excited about keeping with this change. In fact, I welcome all that it offers.

~Jenny Rockstar

Making the right changes....

Wow, I'm really enjoying this unwinding at the end of the day. After spending a rather large portion of my day cleaning, food shopping & researching for my next column, I've really started to think about what I want out of 2012.

Sure, I hope it's bigger and better than 2011 and all other years before, but what does that mean? What do I really want out of the next year that no other year has afforded me? As I sit here with my delicious green lemon tea (with honey), I started putting together a few goals that I hope to accomplish in 2012.

First, I know that my career is finally starting to take shape. In years past, all I would do is write and share with others what I wanted to share. Some tried to push me too fast in a direction that I wasn't really comfortable with, but that's okay. I lived and learned....realizing that I should never compromise what I know I want. So with my career underway, I plan on working towards my ultimate music journalism goal: interviewing my favorite musicians. It's a bit ambitious, but with my dream of Rolling Stone, it's all I could ever ask for!

Second, I want to improve on my health, which means better eating and exercise habits. I've already gone a couple weeks without drinking soda (or a lot of alcohol) all the time and I feel TONS better already!  Now all I need is to continue getting back into eating healthier (and exercise routines) and all will be right with the world!

Third, it would be pretty awesome to learn a new language this year. I have the basic ones I want to learn/brush up on (Spanish, French, Italian, German)....but to add to that list, I'd want to learn a language I've never thought of learning before, maybe Mandarin Chinese or Greek. Maybe as a way to communicate better with Matt's relatives from Greece, I have my answer as to which one I should learn. 

Fourth, if possible, I'd love to become a snail mail penpal for someone, whether it be a friend or a complete stranger. There's just something so special about receiving a letter in the mail. It means more than an email or a text. Spending the time to write to someone and share a piece of yourself with them? That's just wonderful. 

Fifth, whenever I get the chance, I'd like to travel more. I know I need to save more, so this may take a back-burner while Matt & I save money, but even a few day trips to new places couldn't hurt, could it? It could also be a good thing for my photography. 

Sixth, while writing about music continues to thrive for me, it would be fantastic to have a chance to attend a few concerts this year. I love seeing Matt perform as much as possible, but after seeing Bonnie Dune last summer, I realized I need to go to more original band shows. I felt a little more complete when I had the chance to do just that. 

And seventh, speaking of writing, I should write more in this blog! I've spent so much time focused on music lately, that sharing my thoughts and stories here have dwindled considerably. It shouldn't. I should start writing even more this year than I have ever written. Every thought and feeling that I can type, it should be here. 

Well, for now I'm ready to call it a night. Until tomorrow, my trusty readers. :::hugs & kisses:::

~Jenny Rockstar

Sometimes....I just can't help but feel the love

Sometimes....I feel overwhelmed, but not in a bad way. I just see and feel the beauty of my life every chance I get. Whether it be in a song, a quote, a moment, a breath, anything really....my heart just feels the need to burst with joy. 

Today is Matt's and my four year anniversary. And my first thought this morning was how blessed I feel in this moment. Before this, I had thought that I may never find happiness in anything ever again. But slowly and surely, the pieces of my heart were put back together, all rips & tears patched up, the rough edges smoothed over. While my heart may never be the same again, I know that without Matt, I would not be the same. I guess this is what it really feels like when you meet the love of your life. 

You know, it feels amazing to feel this way, where everything and anything just fills you with such immense happiness....and now I wonder why I didn't think of this sooner. But life is about a journey, a path that we all decide to take. We make our own rules, our own maps and plan it out the way we think will take us to our destination.

I wonder where 2012 will take me in my journey. All I know is I'm ready to embrace it, all of it.

Bring it.

~Jenny Rockstar

Wrapping up my dreams with a big red bow....

As I wind down from the rush of the holidays in Matt's and my living room, I can't help but feel blessed for the direction my life has taken this year. 2011 has definitely been not only a year of big steps, but a year of dreams coming true.

A few days before I turned 28, my friend Alison approached me about writing for her website, stylewhipped.com. It was the opportunity to write my own music column and share my love of music with more than just a handful of readers. Of course, I jumped at the chance and began to brainstorm for my first column: a holiday playlist. It wasn't until the night before my birthday that it truly hit me: by 28, I finally achieved the opportunity to write about music. About a week later, my first article was posted....and I started down the path towards my career.

Of course, I love blogging and sharing my love of music with all of you, but getting to share on a larger scale? It's only something I have dreamed of ever since I knew I wanted to be a music journalist! Matt was just as excited as I was, reminding me that while over the past few years I worried about when I would finally get the opportunity....that I had reached my goal. It was a beautiful moment, realizing that this year, my dreams came true. And I did it by just writing what was in my heart, not what others wanted me to write. 

Now that I've finally reached one goal, I plan on making more for this new year. I want to write even more, find even more music, continue pursuing those ultimate goals I have always wanted. If nothing more, 2011 has taught me that even the impossible can become possible. Look at me, I managed to not only secure my dream, but I've seen my favorite show taped, met one of my favorite bands, moved into a house, made more wonderful friends around the world, had my photography used on a larger scale & did it all by just being me. 

2012....you're going to be amazing, but you've got your work cut out for you, because 2011 kicked ass. I know that I'm going to hit the rough patches and I'm going to sometimes feel that I'm not quite making it, but I have to keep going. I have to keep reaching and hoping that I can make it. With the love and support of those around me, I know I can do it. 

And so, as I end this quick post to all of you, I hope everyone has had a wonderful holiday season. Each and every one of you deserves all the happiness in the world and if you need it, I can share a little bit of my happiness with you. I'm dreaming even bigger in 2012, I hope you do the same.

~Jenny Rockstar

Music Columnist for Stylewhipped

(In the future, Contributing Writer for Rolling Stone....one day)

Celebs are people too....even the hot ones

I remember at one point a couple years ago, I wrote about how celebrities, like us, are human. True, they make a lot of money and have throngs of screaming fans who would chase them for miles (if given the opportunity!) But when you strip away all the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, you're left with a person. Someone who just works hard to get where they are in life, nothing more (nothing less.) 

Unfortunately, many others don't seem to grasp this concept. I choose not to name names, mainly because I still have some respect for privacy with the parties involved. But also, this story is just crazy! Case in point: today while checking my Twitter, I came across an enthusiastic fan who shared with their followers a video of a big celebrity smoking a cigarette outside of a hotel. At first, I was mildly upset (for a minute) to see the celebrity smoking, but just like a normal person....I got over it. Yet some of the other fans....did not.

As I scrolled down the page, I read comment after comment about how many were turned off by the smoking, outraged that it happened, and heartbroken by the revelation that the perfect 'squeaky-clean' image of this celeb had been tarnished in their eyes. There were mean and immature comments; a few concerned comments about the dangers and health risks involved. (Mainly, I just rolled my eyes at each comment, even chuckling a little at the use of caps and exclamation points littering the web-page, but thought it was sweet that some cared enough to express concern.)

In life, just about anyone and everyone will do something that you don't agree with (even celebrities.) When I was younger, I was soooooo pissed that Justin Timberlake announced he was dating Britney Spears, but I got over it (especially when I grew out of my teeny-bopper phase and realized that reality is much more fun.) The thought of Taylor Hanson married with kids made me sad at first (that I didn't get to marry him), but glad that he was getting to live his life the way he chose to. I wasn't okay with the times my friends would exclude me from hanging out because of our interests (and I found friends who wanted to include me in everything instead.) And even when a few of my friends took up smoking, while I may have cracked a joke or two that "they should quit" and "it's bad for your health," I encouraged them to make their own choices and be who they are.

The minor flaws & bad habits can't change a person's kindness or their character. Quite a few of my friends still do things like smoke and drink and party hard, but they're still my friends and I love them. They're there when I need them (and even when I don't.) Same goes for family. A person is still a person, even those in the spotlight. True, what they do is under a giant magnifying glass, but I can assure you that there are plenty of other people in the world who have done worse things than smoke a cigarette. 

~Jenny Rockstar

Filling up....

It's amazing what a few simple words can accomplish....


let me explain.


Over a week ago, while at a school in Asbury Park, I couldn't help but notice that many of the students were wearing bracelets that read "I am a Bucket Filler." I was intrigued, considering that I had NO clue what the bracelets meant. I mean, what could filling a bucket have to do with life? It wasn't until I took the picture of one of the faculty members that I noticed she was wearing a pin with that same phrase on it. I had to know everything.


She explained how the children were learning the importance of kind words and appreciation towards one another, and that when you "fill" someone's bucket, you give them positive and uplifting statements. As I finished taking her picture, I smiled and wished her a wonderful day. 


As the day continued, the idea of being a "bucket filler" made me think. Being a child who was once bullied and taunted on a regular basis, my heart filled with pride and joy that steps were being made to show how positive reinforcements are better than sharing a negative one. On a regular basis, we hear stories in the media about bullying & school shootings, the effects of peer pressure on children. Frankly, it saddens me to believe that in a society where the media focuses on mostly the negative, that there are very few positive things that are shared. 


But what about those positives? Is it so hard to fathom that maybe every once in a while, something that touches my heart is more important than all of the injustice and pain I see in the news on a regular basis? 


So to take this whole "bucket filler" movement one extra step, I have made those simple efforts to bring a little more light to my job each day. Sometimes, a kind word or smile brightens another person's day. Sometimes it's leaving a little extra in the tip jar when you're buying coffee in the morning or maybe hugging a friend that's having a hard day. 


To continue my "bucket filling" efforts, I figured a Top Ten was in order:


1) Apartment - Young The Giant
2) We Belong - The Colorful Quiet
3) It's Not Easy Bein' Green - Kermit the Frog
4) Your Hand in Mine - Explosions in the Sky
5) These Photographs - Joshua Radin
6) A Boy Like That/I Have A Love - West Side Story
7) Human - Darren Criss
8) Air - Ben Folds Five
9) My Sundown - Jimmy Eat World
10) Through Your Eyes - The Honey Trees


It's important to fill each other's lives with love and kindness every single day. There are too many negative people in this world and maybe, just maybe, the negativity can be cancelled out by something greater than we know.


~Jenny Rockstar

Are you there? It's me, Jenn....

While I have found it difficult to write any new and interesting stories lately, I've decided to re-visit some old ones. Lately, my passion to write has lacked just a little....and instead of just giving up on the things I love, I do what I normally do when I need inspiration, buy a new notebook and start another story. But instead of the new notebook, it's a blog. And even more important, a blog about my goals and accomplishments, better known as my "bucket list."

If you're interested, here's the link:

The Dreams That Keep Us Close - Jenn's Bucket List

Getting back to those roots of what gave me the drive to write is important. And before I forget my journey to how I got where I am, I'd better try writing it all down first, even if in snippets here & there. But no worries, I promise to come back with even more writing pieces. I mean, it's not like I haven't been working on anything as of late. But the finished product should be good enough for me to want to hit "publish post."

And just so I don't leave you empty-handed, here's some Top Ten Awesomeness:

Jenn's Fall Playlist:

1) Emanuel & The Fear - Song For The Rain

2) Mae - Awakening

3) Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings

4) Pixies - Where Is My Mind?

5) Secondhand Serenade - Goodbye

6) The Early November - This Is Love

7) The All-American Rejects - The Poison

8) Lady Gaga - You & I

9) Yaz - Only You

10) The Beatles - Lady Madonna

I hope everyone is having a wonderful beginning to fall....minus the inclement weather on the East Coast. This year is going to get even better than it already has, I can feel it.

~Jenny Rockstar

These memories are the soundtrack to my summer....

Asbury Park Beach

With summer winding down and less than two weeks left before I head back to work, I can't help but be grateful for everything that has happened in these past couple of months....and even in this past year!

I look at my list of accomplishments and while a few of the bigger ones are yet to be crossed off, I've made leaps and bounds at some of the others. Ending my work season with moving into a new house was a wonderful way to start this summer! When we finally moved everything we owned into the house, there was certainly a lack of many necessities that we had had no need to buy prior. And so came the tiring (but fun for me) task of shopping! If furniture wasn't enough, there were also lamps, bedding, wall decor, kitchen utensils, outdoor decor, a grill, and any little knick-knack that had been provided for us in our previous residence. This summer became the task of putting our house together, creating a living space that was comfortable to both of us yet didn't break the bank. 

Erin, Ryan & Matt

There was also more time spent with friends (and family!) I know I spend a lot of time with Matt, but I don't care, because he's not only my boyfriend, he's my best friend! So this summer, I set out to try and spend time with my bitta bunny (aka best friend Vicki), my co-workers, family members, and any of my friends who wanted to hang out! We had friends sleep over, sing-a-longs, nights of drinking red wine and listening to records, Tiki Bar drinks, raucous times, scary movie nights, and one big birthday party for our friend, Johnny! (Big props to his wonderful wife, Rhiannon for putting it all together!) Sometimes our activities would be group activities, sometimes just me and my friends. The benefit of being away from Matt proved to be fruitful as we spent our time missing each other just that little bit more, which made our quality time during this summer much more meaningful to the both of us.

Not only my lover, but my best friend <3

And as a result of all the changes in our life, the relationship with Matt has changed as well....in many good ways! All this time we've taken many important steps. In the beginning of our relationship, we made sure to talk a lot and establish that friendship. Then we took our time in dating. Soon after, I moved in with him, then a year later we moved into our first apartment. And now, two years after moving in that apartment, we moved into our first house. While my thoughts about marriage can sometimes vary, especially due to past experience, I've learned that it does not make a relationship any better or any worse. If that foundation is not there, then a ring on someone's finger is quite meaningless. That's not to say that I shun the thought of marriage, because just like any girl, I have my "dream wedding" already planned in my mind!  In fact, we witnessed friends and family members tying the knot this summer....and realizing in the process that marriage is something we both want in life, just not yet. We have all the time in the world, the rest will take care of itself. 

Atlantic City Expressway Heaven

Also during the late spring/summer, my photography has also been taken in a different direction. While I used to love just taking the pictures, I find that being able to play around with the effects and manipulate the pictures has been just as therapeutic. I don't care if some people don't like my pictures, because I like what I've been doing. In fact, while saving up for a new Canon (preferably either a 40D or....if I can save up enough, a 7D), I've taken a interest in lomography and wanting to try that as well. There are a few cameras that specialize in those kinds of effects and I may look into them as well. Photography is a lot of fun, something that when I was younger I never really thought to get into, but I enjoy what I do! And while saving up for some new cameras is great, some of my best work has been done with my little point-and-shoot, proving to me that you don't need the best equipment or the right classes to be the best, you just need to have an eye for great pictures. A friend once told me that the best way to get better at taking pictures is to take a lot of pictures....I think he was right.

A dream come true....

And of course, it's no surprise that I finally planned a girl's mini-vacation with my bitta bunny! When I decided to go see Bonnie Dune at Hershey Park, Vicki was right there with me to enjoy the experience....as were two of my friends from PA, Amy & Kate! I was determined to not only see the concert, but to meet the band in an attempt to secure a cool piece of autographed memorabilia for my bedroom wall. I had spent most of my summer carefully selecting each piece of decor for the house....and this particular item was no exception! Of course I was hoping to see the band before I decided this, but to meet the band became a challenge I was ready to meet! After 5+ hours of waiting on line to snag a wristband, as well as one hell of a concert, I had the pleasure to finally meet not only Bonnie Dune, but one of my favorite Glee stars as well! I feel privileged and honored to have had the opportunity that I did, because the guys reminded me of what I loved most about musicians. I felt as though I was hanging out with Matt and his bandmates, even if just for a little while. In a way, this concert re-connected me with my passion for music & writing, reminding me what it is about my life and career path that I love so much!

Me & my super cool Bonnie Dune poster!

I spent more time focusing on myself and figuring out what I want to do with my life. I love my job, but I wish I could also have my writing career underway. I ventured away from it for so long to escape my past and be at peace with my life, but I can't completely escape what I consider one of my greatest loves. So I got back into the habit of carrying a notebook in my bag again. My headphones became a permanent fixture in there too. I got lost in bookstores whenever I could, reading authors like Rob Sheffield and publications like Rolling Stone Magazine to immerse myself back into that 'old' me. My music project took on the task of fleshing out my music collection in many new & exciting directions. I laughed more, observed more, shared more of myself. I know I will never completely be that person again, but it's been nice reminiscing and being able to find the pieces of who I used to be and apply them to who I am now. 

Since most of you, my readers, are well aware of my deeply passionate love for everything music, I've decided to turn my Top 10 into a Top 20 Soundtrack, complete with two sides, for this entry. There's just so much great music in the world, old and new....I need to include as much of it as possible!

Jenn's Summer 2011 Soundtrack:

Side One

1) The Smiths - How Soon Is Now?

2) Civil Wars - Poison & Wine

3) Bonnie Dune - Strange Ways

4) Jimmy Eat World - Littlething

5) Sondre Lerche - Dear Laughing Doubters

6) The Replacements - Here Comes A Regular

7) Procol Harum - A Whiter Shade of Pale

8) First Aid Kit - Tangerine

9) Florence + The Machine - Cosmic Love

10) Pharell - Prettiest Girls

Side Two

11) The Weepies - Simple Life 

12) Death Cab For Cutie - Underneath The Sycamore

13) Bruce Springsteen - 4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy)

14) Lady Gaga - The Edge of Glory

15) A Flock of Seagulls - Space Age Love Song

16) Violent Femmes - Please Do Not Go

17) Smashing Pumpkins - Tonight, Tonight

18) Vampire Weekend - Ottoman

19) Van Morrison - Slim Slow Slider

20) The Honey Trees - Don't Fear

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This summer was everything I could have hoped for....and then some. It was beautiful, exquisite, heart-wrenching, energizing, stressful, breath-taking, melancholy, aggravating, romantic, hilarious, tear-jerking, serene, heart-warming, and most importantly, memorable. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. With August taking its last few breaths and September well on its way, I look forward to finishing up 2011 with hope for my future, more pictures than I have wall or album space for, more music than my iPod can handle, more love than my heart has ever known, and more memories & stories to take with me through the years. 

Thank you to everyone in my life, old and new, for contributing to this wonderful and unique experience. I love each and every one of you. 

To my family and Matt's family for their support and love in everything that we do. We love you dearly.

To our wonderful friends for all the love, laughter, conversations, music, and everything else in between! We couldn't ask for better people to share our memories with. 

To my Lifetouch crew, spending time with you (whenever I could) made this summer pretty awesome! Your friendship means more than you know. 

To my Bitta Bunny and my Buddha for keeping me sane through it all....and their participation in possibly the greatest "Zombie Jesus" sing-a-long of all time!  

And a special Thank You to Bonnie Dune for bringing me back to the music (and myself), as well as connecting me with some of the greatest fans/friends ever! You are truly the sweetest and most genuine  gentlemen I have had the pleasure of meeting. If you ever come to my area for a show, you will always have a place to come chill and relax. (I also promise a delicious home-cooked meal and some sweet sing-a-longs with the various instruments in our house.)

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I can't wait to see what the rest of the year has in store....but I'm sure that whatever happens, it'll be one hell of an adventure.

~Jenny Rockstar