Sharing the love....

It's been 11 years today.

11 years ago, I can still remember every feeling and thought that ran through my mind as I sat in Rita Hall, eating breakfast and hearing about the first plane hitting. I shrugged it off, thinking it was only a little Cesna. I could not have been more mistaken.

I can still recall the conversations occurring when I entered French class in Marion Hall that morning...my classmates telling me about the second plane, the Pentagon being on fire, the plane that crashed in PA. The surreality of the situation numbed me to my very core. None of this could ever be true, could it? But when my  French professor walked into the room, her face said it all. And instead of learning about the vocabulary lesson we had due that day, we spoke about the violence.

Walking back to my dorm was surreal, my bookbag dragging behind me (mainly because I wasn't able to process the turn of events.) But the moment I walked into my dorm room and my roommate questioned me, I broke. Turning on the television, the both of us watched as the towers fell, engulfed in thick smoke from the flames of the planes that crashed into them. I had to talk to my family. I had to talk to my friends. I had to feel like everyone was ok. I spent hours doing just that, attempting to keep calm and get through each conversation without breaking into tears. I had to be strong. Even though it wasn't me there, I felt like in a way, it hurt me personally.

It's been 11 years and even as I woke up today, I was struck by that same melancholy and panic that I had the moment it happened. But I pulled myself out of bed, walked downstairs and greeted Matt (who had apparently been up for hours before me.) And in our simple "good morning" exchange, I felt the love. The pain lessened, warmth crept in and all was well.

I want all of you to know I love you and care about you. (Even if I don't know you personally, I want to share my love with you.) After that extremely rough and tragic day 11 years ago, I can also remember the feeling of love I felt at dinnertime, when I walked into Rita Hall and saw tables filled with students. No one sat alone, everyone needing that closeness of their peers. Some of us spoke about the incident, others tried to crack jokes and talk about their families to create smiles.

Love is a powerful thing. Without it, we can't function properly. And so today, I send all my love out to each and every one of you. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get through September 11th without wanting to break down, but I have all the love that I need to try. Today, and every day, let's put the hatred and tragedy down with love. I may seem too hopeful, but I'd rather be that than cry my eyes out.

~ Jenny Rockstar

Living in the moment....

So it's been a while, I know. 


When it comes down to it, my life has been rather crazy the past few months so instead of venting it out here like a healthy person, I've been otherwise dedicated to finishing up my responsibilities as quickly as possible with minimal distraction. 


(That doesn't mean I haven't been writing though. On the contrary...I've been filling notebooks with thoughts and musings of all kinds!)


For the first time in a long time, I feel free. I worry all the time about what others do think of me (even though I wish I could tune them out sometimes.) It doesn't stop me from being who I am, but day after day almost seems like having to put on a little show for the world...not being able to display all of the colors in my rainbow. That stops here and with it, I find that I want to go forth even more and be myself...adding a few things here and there.  


This summer is going to be a little different. I've started creating a list of all the things I hope to do (or at least start/work on) this summer. There will be more writing, more beach trips, and a lot more living. Whether it be just doing more getaways with Matty for a night (or two) or even sitting on the local beach with a notebook, there will be more of that. More city trips, more laughter/fun times with friends & family, more pictures taken, and definitely more original band concerts. 


I know I live now, but there can never be such a thing as living TOO much! (Still got a lot of catching up to do on all the years I really didn't.)


I'm jumping in, head first--nothing can stop me now.


Contemplation Playlist:


1) Watch The Sunrise - Big Star
2)  I Can Only Give You Everything - Nick Waterhouse
3) Roots Before Branches - Room For Two
4) Valtari - Sigur Ros
5) Starships - Nicki Minaj
6) Shoot To Thrill - AC/DC
7) Breath of Life - Florence + The Machine
8) My Sweet Song - Toby Lightman
9) Unless You Speak From Your Heart - Porcelain Raft
10) Gotta Go - Oberhofer


~Jenny Rockstar

Sometimes a little advice is all you need....

This morning, as I opened my five million emails that I received while sleeping, I came across a response from a friend. (Well, maybe not five million, but you get the idea.) He recently shared his joys and fears about realizing his true passion in life, and how it will affect him and his family. While we have not talked in a very long time, I wrote him back, proud that despite what changes this passion would bring, that he needs to be happy and follow his heart. His response to me was a quote....one that reminded me that a lot of work goes into what you love before you reap any benefits. Needless to say, it got me thinking.

When I was in college, I thought that I'd have it all right after graduation. The perfect job, the perfect career, jet-setting to interview all the big bands that I have dreamed of interviewing. I wanted to be the next Rob Sheffield or Lester Bangs....but life doesn't work like that. Instead, I feel like I watched myself stray farther and farther away from those things I loved and into a life that was nothing like I had dreamed. Yet I still bought new music, immersed myself in songs and melodies that provided my scattered brain some solace.

At 28, I still struggle to reach that dream career that I've always wanted....but I'm not afraid to go for it anymore. I want it all. I plan on spending more time with those things I love so much, writing more columns, interviewing more interesting music personalities, and giving myself a chance to achieve my ultimate dream of being a music journalist. 

So for now, I sign up for another music site and continue to immerse my ears in sweet, unknown melodies, pushing hard and dreaming for the moment I make it to the top. Anything is possible, it's just the journey that I need to focus on. I'm ready. 

With that said, here's a fun little playlist for today....I'm feeling inspired with all of the old and new music out there. And to my friend: thank you for the reminder. 

Jenn's Inspirational Playlist:

1) Somebody That I Used To Know - Gotye

2) Into The Mystic - Van Morrison

3) She's Like A Rainbow - The Rolling Stones

4) Blitzkrieg Bop - The Ramones

5) Shoreline - Deas Veil

6) Welcome Home - The O.C. Supertones

7) Number Four - Twothirtyeight

8) Middle of the Night - Sherwood

9) Umbrellas - Sleeping at Last

10) Lake Michigan - Rogue Wave

I'm going for it....are you?

~ Jenny Rockstar

Perception seems to be everything nowadays....

I've been thinking a lot lately about perception. To one person, I may seem like the nicest person they have ever met and to another....I'm the devil incarnate. I appear super intelligent to one and a complete idiot (in their opinion) to another. Another could think I'm super beautiful and yet someone else could look at me like I'm the proverbial 'ugly duckling' of the group. 

Perception is important to many people and while it has mattered to me in certain respects, overly I don't care. I am who I am and if that's not enough, then you don't need to be in my life. I'm just tired of trying to please everyone when in the end, I only need to be true to myself.

It's just exhausting at times, you know? Trying to just be who I want to be with a world of people who for some reason or another feel the need to rip me apart for no reason; for people who think that I'm not worth understanding or make fun of me behind my back with their other friends. Is it really so necessary to focus on me when there are so many other interesting things happening in the world?

I'd rather focus on writing about everything I see and immersing my ears in all the music out there. Or maybe just spending time with Matt and taking lots of beautiful pictures to share with friends. Then again, maybe I'd like to take a random road-trip to some place different and create new memories. But I don't need to feel like crap for not being like everyone else. I march to the beat of my own drum and if there's a problem with that, then obviously I must be doing something right to make others jealous of my happiness. 

And now back to my regularly scheduled music listening....

~Jenny Rockstar   

breaking down the wall....

As of lately, my persistence in life has been met by what I refer to as "the wall."

When it comes to this wall, it feels like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to smash my fists against it, effort seems futile. I get tired, but I know that I need to keep on attempting to knock down my wall. Why? Because if I don't, then I have given up...and I am not a quitter. 

Whether it's my writing, or my photography, or any project I work on, I refuse to give up anymore than I have. I'm stronger than I have given myself credit for and now that I understand this, I can't back down. The world is in front of me and turning away from all the opportunity would not only disappoint those around me, but mostly myself. 

I will find the crack, keep pushing through, and break down everything around me. Screw the odds, the boundaries, the limitations. 2012 is my year...and I will make sure it stays that way.

~Jenny Rockstar

some late night musings....

Coming close to 2 am....and yet I can't sleep yet. I have too much energy at the moment.


I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and where I'm heading. I have to admit, it's farther than I have been in the past few years, and yet I know that there's still a long way to go. The ideas are coming quicker, the ambition to be a writer returns with each word I write, the music in my soul gets louder, and my dreams seem reachable. (When have my dreams ever been this close? I can't remember.)


But I'm determined to make this year epic. The door is cracking open just a little and it's my job to push harder and open it all the way. I can't give up now. It's too close for me to turn around and walk away. 


I'm grateful for where my life is heading. On the verge of a breakthrough and the surface has only been scratched. 


Dream interviews, here I come.


Dream job, here I come.


Dream life....I'm already there.


~Jenny Rockstar

a little time to update and think....

Definitely been a few days since I've thought about posting anything, but keeping busy is my goal. The writing bug has been taking over for my column as I continue to create my Grammy predictions, while another project has given me something fun to focus on.

So it's no secret that I love the band Bonnie Dune, even if I've only been able to catch the only East Coast show they've offered. But it got me (and another Twitter friend or two) thinking, especially when the Tour Manager shared how fans could help bring them here. So we knuckled down, researching information on any and every venue in NYC/NJ that would be great for the boys to check out. 

Within the first day, we reached over 100 followers, as well as getting recognition from band members for our project. By the second day, we reached over 150 followers and even had our first venue showing interest. 

But what I'm realizing more and more is that working on projects are about more than just accomplishing a goal. It's about getting the chance to meet new people and make new friends with individuals I may have never met if I didn't have these interests. So I'm grateful for all of it....and I'm going to keep pushing my dreams as far as they can go. 

And on that note, I'm going to keep reaching as far as I can go. This year is really my year. It's going to be epic.

~Jenny Rockstar

A remake better than the original....at least I think so

I normally never post videos on any blog I write....especially here. But last night, as I watched one of my favorite shows, Glee, this particular number came up. I had been hearing about this song for weeks and weeks, knowing that it was going to be a number performed by Rachel for Finn. 

Just the arrangement of the performance, coupled with the emotion shown was enough to make me reach for several Kleenex. I know fans are very into this song right now, but I look at it as more than just a tear-jerker. It felt like in that moment, I could feel exactly what was happening....especially since I feel this way every single day and have for the past four years. 

So there it is. I think you should watch it. Watch it with a box a Kleenex on hand and/or your love by your side (if you have one). Glee has truly stepped up their game with giving us this. And big props to Lea Michele and Cory Monteith for their part in this performance. The Finn/Rachel dynamic would not be the same without them being Finn & Rachel, or 'Finchel' for those superfans (like me!)

Alright, now back to my normal blogging rituals....but feeling just a little more love than usual.

~Jenny Rockstar

p.s. - I love you too....life would not be the same without you. <3

One Knock is Sometimes Enough....

When many think of 'opportunity' in their life, it's automatically assumed that the chance received will always be right away. Some forget that hard work needs to be incorporated into the equation, while many others tend to overlook the small things that could lead to the bigger part. 

While I was brainstorming over my upcoming columns, my editor approached me with a wonderful writing opportunity: an interview with a well-known Flamenco singer. At first, I will admit to feeling a little out of my element with the genre of music. But I figured, "why not" and accepted the writing challenge.

I know there are moments in life when we don't get to do the exact things we want, but many of us don't seem to remember that it is in those steps we take that the goal can be reached. Sometimes we take on tasks that seem completely different from the original path....and the results surprise us in ways none of us thought possible. 

That's the thing about opportunity: you don't know where or when it will knock....you just need to be prepared to open the door when it comes. And at 28, I've finally heard the knock.

Let's hope this door leads me somewhere great.

~Jenny Rockstar

droppin' some knowledge....Jenny style

Whenever I go out to one of Matt's shows, I am always amused. Whether it be the various dancers that head out to the floor after a few drinks have been downed, dirty looks from girls who think they have a chance with my man, or even the men that attempt to hit on me as I'm trying to enjoy a relaxing night with my girls; this is focused on the latter.

It doesn't seem to matter where or when it happens....on a night out where I hang out with my girls, men always seem to try and interrupt with drunken charm coupled with a need to get pretty girls up and dancing. The truth of the matter is, I dance every other time I'm out, so why do I need to get up now? 

The first time they walk away, I just shrug it off and go back to talking with my friends. By the second time I'm curious to their motivation, as I've clearly demonstrated that I'm not interested. But by the third time, it's just downright annoying. So in an effort to add a little bit of humor to the situation, here's a little something for the boys:

Dear Drunken Male Bar Patron Hitting on Me:

I know you think I'm cute and would love nothing more than for me to grace you with my sweet dancing moves. Of course, if you could word your slurring phrases in this fashion instead of making me feel like it's "wrong" for me to be sitting & enjoying the music....I wouldn't have to laugh with my friends at how ridiculous you are. 

Don't get me wrong, it makes me feel good that you want to talk to me and possibly buy me a cocktail, but I'm only really in it for the free drink. It's more than just the fact that my boyfriend is up on the stage performing and I'm here to see him play. It's the truth that I just don't want to talk to you, no offense. 

So please understand when I don't make more than polite conversation as your drink proceeds to spill on me for the 40th time. Maybe instead of a new drink, you can buy me a new outfit, asshole. Or maybe you could learn how to hold a drink while talking to a girl. 

Sorry if I offended you, but even if I was single, your behavior is a major turn-off. Have a nice life!

~Jenn

p.s. - Also, please don't make those stupid comments trying to be "cute"....I just find them awkward and confusing, so do my friends.