Another Thanksgiving come and gone...
and so many reasons to be thankful.
Today Matt & I had the chance to spend Thanksgiving with my family. Normally we spend it with his mother and cook, stuff our faces, drink lots of wine, and pass out at her house. Unfortunately, due to the storm, our yearly plans were changed and off Matt & I went to join in my family's yearly tradition.
Firstly, it starts with several people coming over...roughly 30 or so. But the best part is seeing my stepbrothers and their wives, my nieces, my nephew, and my parents (just to name a few). I always enjoy spending time with all of them, even though free time to include Matt is always limited.
But being surrounded by love, laughter, joy, and all the food we could scarf down? I wouldn't trade those moments for anything in the world. Hanging out with Scott, Matt, and my father on the deck listening to "Family Guy: Live in Vegas"...normal dinner hijinx with my Uncle Mark...watching Matty's "Rock C-3PO" video he made (and Lexi and I wanting to post that on YouTube)...even hearing Karen (my sister-in-law) tell her youngest one, Maggie, to give "Uncle Matt" a kiss goodbye.
And in these moments, I contemplated the meaning of "thankful."
I have thought about the notion of being thankful more and more recently. In the past, I thought I was thankful for the right reasons (and right people). It would take a holiday to remind me the reasons I had to be grateful for all that I had. But now, more than ever, I feel grateful every single day for my life. And that's the best way to be thankful, when you feel that feeling each day for the people in your life, for the roof over your head, food on your table, and the love and kindness surrounding you.
Maybe it's the holiday spirit, maybe it's the Christmas mix I spent time making for my iTunes (that is now playing through my surround sound), or maybe all of the tasty wine I had with dinner...but I just can't help but want to smile and be happy that this is the turn my life took. That this is where I am, rather than where I might have been. With an extended family filled with love and kindness, a man who always wants to share his love and life with me, a blossoming career that keeps getting better with each step I take, and the greatest friends in the world.
This is truly the best life ever.
~ Jenny Rockstar
11.23.2012
11.04.2012
The Power of Hope
As I sit here with Matt in his mother's house (because our house is going on day 6 with no power), I can't help but feel grateful for everything in my life at this moment. There are so many people who have lost everything they own...and then some.
While Sandy barreled through our state (and the ones neighboring us), the NJ I grew up in has forever changed. The piers at Seaside are gone, a place where I spent much time with my family, friends, current and past loves. I can't even go back to those special spots...they're scattered all up and down the coastline.
On Thursday, when Matt & I had ventured out to check on Matt's mother in Point Pleasant, we were greeted by the sight of National Guard trucks standing guard at Bayhead (and patrolling parts of Point Pleasant), people emptying their lives into garbage bags at the curb, and the feeling of hopelessness. Homes were destroyed, entire towns washed away, the geography of our "backyard" changed within a matter of hours. We even went to Point Pleasant Beach, where I saw the Tiki Bar, a source of most of our summer fun, missing the entire back half that is now strewn all along the coast. Needless to say, my heart truly broke in those moments.
We've all tried to stay strong...and yet we reach our breaking points. I've seen many break down and cry (myself included). It's a war zone, in a community that used to bring nothing but joy and fill up summers and summers worth of childhood memories.
Yet despite all of it, I'm going to smile. I smile for the sense of community I see as we help one another. I smile for every hug I have been able to give and receive. I smile for every person I have been able to encounter. I smile for appreciating the simple things, like light, heat, a comfy bed, hot coffee. I smile knowing that I've been in touch with several of my friends and loved ones, putting them (and myself) at ease just with a simple text, tweet, FB update, phone call. I smile, because being angry, sad, and depressed just can't be anymore. We can't be hurting one another, lashing out at each other, trying to see who has it worse. We've all suffered, we're all hurting, we're all human, and we should all be grateful when we hear the positive things. Those little positives are what have helped me get through days with at least a smile or two.
I've cried (and probably will continue to), but I'm stronger. We're stronger than this. We will rebuild. We will bounce back in time. We will learn from this and return with a vengeance! Everything is replaceable. It may not be the same as we remember, but we can come close. And why?
Because as East Coasters, we're superheroes.
~ Jenny Rockstar
While Sandy barreled through our state (and the ones neighboring us), the NJ I grew up in has forever changed. The piers at Seaside are gone, a place where I spent much time with my family, friends, current and past loves. I can't even go back to those special spots...they're scattered all up and down the coastline.
On Thursday, when Matt & I had ventured out to check on Matt's mother in Point Pleasant, we were greeted by the sight of National Guard trucks standing guard at Bayhead (and patrolling parts of Point Pleasant), people emptying their lives into garbage bags at the curb, and the feeling of hopelessness. Homes were destroyed, entire towns washed away, the geography of our "backyard" changed within a matter of hours. We even went to Point Pleasant Beach, where I saw the Tiki Bar, a source of most of our summer fun, missing the entire back half that is now strewn all along the coast. Needless to say, my heart truly broke in those moments.
We've all tried to stay strong...and yet we reach our breaking points. I've seen many break down and cry (myself included). It's a war zone, in a community that used to bring nothing but joy and fill up summers and summers worth of childhood memories.
Yet despite all of it, I'm going to smile. I smile for the sense of community I see as we help one another. I smile for every hug I have been able to give and receive. I smile for every person I have been able to encounter. I smile for appreciating the simple things, like light, heat, a comfy bed, hot coffee. I smile knowing that I've been in touch with several of my friends and loved ones, putting them (and myself) at ease just with a simple text, tweet, FB update, phone call. I smile, because being angry, sad, and depressed just can't be anymore. We can't be hurting one another, lashing out at each other, trying to see who has it worse. We've all suffered, we're all hurting, we're all human, and we should all be grateful when we hear the positive things. Those little positives are what have helped me get through days with at least a smile or two.
I've cried (and probably will continue to), but I'm stronger. We're stronger than this. We will rebuild. We will bounce back in time. We will learn from this and return with a vengeance! Everything is replaceable. It may not be the same as we remember, but we can come close. And why?
Because as East Coasters, we're superheroes.
~ Jenny Rockstar
10.07.2012
in my hometown...
Yesterday I had to return to my hometown for my father's surprise b-day party. It was surreal being in Kenilworth again, but somehow....I felt at peace with everything. In a way, coming "home" for a few hours reminded me that no matter where I go, where I came from will always shape me as a person.
And I'm grateful for that now. More than I have ever been in my life. I don't see myself moving back there at any point, but I think I'm alright with visiting on occasion.
Even more importantly, repairing whatever damage was caused in years past. That's still a work in progress...but I think I'm getting there.
~ Jenny Rockstar
And I'm grateful for that now. More than I have ever been in my life. I don't see myself moving back there at any point, but I think I'm alright with visiting on occasion.
Even more importantly, repairing whatever damage was caused in years past. That's still a work in progress...but I think I'm getting there.
~ Jenny Rockstar
9.11.2012
Sharing the love....
It's been 11 years today.
11 years ago, I can still remember every feeling and thought that ran through my mind as I sat in Rita Hall, eating breakfast and hearing about the first plane hitting. I shrugged it off, thinking it was only a little Cesna. I could not have been more mistaken.
I can still recall the conversations occurring when I entered French class in Marion Hall that morning...my classmates telling me about the second plane, the Pentagon being on fire, the plane that crashed in PA. The surreality of the situation numbed me to my very core. None of this could ever be true, could it? But when my French professor walked into the room, her face said it all. And instead of learning about the vocabulary lesson we had due that day, we spoke about the violence.
Walking back to my dorm was surreal, my bookbag dragging behind me (mainly because I wasn't able to process the turn of events.) But the moment I walked into my dorm room and my roommate questioned me, I broke. Turning on the television, the both of us watched as the towers fell, engulfed in thick smoke from the flames of the planes that crashed into them. I had to talk to my family. I had to talk to my friends. I had to feel like everyone was ok. I spent hours doing just that, attempting to keep calm and get through each conversation without breaking into tears. I had to be strong. Even though it wasn't me there, I felt like in a way, it hurt me personally.
It's been 11 years and even as I woke up today, I was struck by that same melancholy and panic that I had the moment it happened. But I pulled myself out of bed, walked downstairs and greeted Matt (who had apparently been up for hours before me.) And in our simple "good morning" exchange, I felt the love. The pain lessened, warmth crept in and all was well.
I want all of you to know I love you and care about you. (Even if I don't know you personally, I want to share my love with you.) After that extremely rough and tragic day 11 years ago, I can also remember the feeling of love I felt at dinnertime, when I walked into Rita Hall and saw tables filled with students. No one sat alone, everyone needing that closeness of their peers. Some of us spoke about the incident, others tried to crack jokes and talk about their families to create smiles.
Love is a powerful thing. Without it, we can't function properly. And so today, I send all my love out to each and every one of you. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get through September 11th without wanting to break down, but I have all the love that I need to try. Today, and every day, let's put the hatred and tragedy down with love. I may seem too hopeful, but I'd rather be that than cry my eyes out.
~ Jenny Rockstar
11 years ago, I can still remember every feeling and thought that ran through my mind as I sat in Rita Hall, eating breakfast and hearing about the first plane hitting. I shrugged it off, thinking it was only a little Cesna. I could not have been more mistaken.
I can still recall the conversations occurring when I entered French class in Marion Hall that morning...my classmates telling me about the second plane, the Pentagon being on fire, the plane that crashed in PA. The surreality of the situation numbed me to my very core. None of this could ever be true, could it? But when my French professor walked into the room, her face said it all. And instead of learning about the vocabulary lesson we had due that day, we spoke about the violence.
Walking back to my dorm was surreal, my bookbag dragging behind me (mainly because I wasn't able to process the turn of events.) But the moment I walked into my dorm room and my roommate questioned me, I broke. Turning on the television, the both of us watched as the towers fell, engulfed in thick smoke from the flames of the planes that crashed into them. I had to talk to my family. I had to talk to my friends. I had to feel like everyone was ok. I spent hours doing just that, attempting to keep calm and get through each conversation without breaking into tears. I had to be strong. Even though it wasn't me there, I felt like in a way, it hurt me personally.
It's been 11 years and even as I woke up today, I was struck by that same melancholy and panic that I had the moment it happened. But I pulled myself out of bed, walked downstairs and greeted Matt (who had apparently been up for hours before me.) And in our simple "good morning" exchange, I felt the love. The pain lessened, warmth crept in and all was well.
I want all of you to know I love you and care about you. (Even if I don't know you personally, I want to share my love with you.) After that extremely rough and tragic day 11 years ago, I can also remember the feeling of love I felt at dinnertime, when I walked into Rita Hall and saw tables filled with students. No one sat alone, everyone needing that closeness of their peers. Some of us spoke about the incident, others tried to crack jokes and talk about their families to create smiles.
Love is a powerful thing. Without it, we can't function properly. And so today, I send all my love out to each and every one of you. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get through September 11th without wanting to break down, but I have all the love that I need to try. Today, and every day, let's put the hatred and tragedy down with love. I may seem too hopeful, but I'd rather be that than cry my eyes out.
~ Jenny Rockstar
6.02.2012
Living in the moment....
So it's been a while, I know.
When it comes down to it, my life has been rather crazy the past few months so instead of venting it out here like a healthy person, I've been otherwise dedicated to finishing up my responsibilities as quickly as possible with minimal distraction.
(That doesn't mean I haven't been writing though. On the contrary...I've been filling notebooks with thoughts and musings of all kinds!)
For the first time in a long time, I feel free. I worry all the time about what others do think of me (even though I wish I could tune them out sometimes.) It doesn't stop me from being who I am, but day after day almost seems like having to put on a little show for the world...not being able to display all of the colors in my rainbow. That stops here and with it, I find that I want to go forth even more and be myself...adding a few things here and there.
This summer is going to be a little different. I've started creating a list of all the things I hope to do (or at least start/work on) this summer. There will be more writing, more beach trips, and a lot more living. Whether it be just doing more getaways with Matty for a night (or two) or even sitting on the local beach with a notebook, there will be more of that. More city trips, more laughter/fun times with friends & family, more pictures taken, and definitely more original band concerts.
I know I live now, but there can never be such a thing as living TOO much! (Still got a lot of catching up to do on all the years I really didn't.)
I'm jumping in, head first--nothing can stop me now.
Contemplation Playlist:
1) Watch The Sunrise - Big Star
2) I Can Only Give You Everything - Nick Waterhouse
3) Roots Before Branches - Room For Two
4) Valtari - Sigur Ros
5) Starships - Nicki Minaj
6) Shoot To Thrill - AC/DC
7) Breath of Life - Florence + The Machine
8) My Sweet Song - Toby Lightman
9) Unless You Speak From Your Heart - Porcelain Raft
10) Gotta Go - Oberhofer
~Jenny Rockstar
When it comes down to it, my life has been rather crazy the past few months so instead of venting it out here like a healthy person, I've been otherwise dedicated to finishing up my responsibilities as quickly as possible with minimal distraction.
(That doesn't mean I haven't been writing though. On the contrary...I've been filling notebooks with thoughts and musings of all kinds!)
For the first time in a long time, I feel free. I worry all the time about what others do think of me (even though I wish I could tune them out sometimes.) It doesn't stop me from being who I am, but day after day almost seems like having to put on a little show for the world...not being able to display all of the colors in my rainbow. That stops here and with it, I find that I want to go forth even more and be myself...adding a few things here and there.
This summer is going to be a little different. I've started creating a list of all the things I hope to do (or at least start/work on) this summer. There will be more writing, more beach trips, and a lot more living. Whether it be just doing more getaways with Matty for a night (or two) or even sitting on the local beach with a notebook, there will be more of that. More city trips, more laughter/fun times with friends & family, more pictures taken, and definitely more original band concerts.
I know I live now, but there can never be such a thing as living TOO much! (Still got a lot of catching up to do on all the years I really didn't.)
I'm jumping in, head first--nothing can stop me now.
Contemplation Playlist:
1) Watch The Sunrise - Big Star
2) I Can Only Give You Everything - Nick Waterhouse
3) Roots Before Branches - Room For Two
4) Valtari - Sigur Ros
5) Starships - Nicki Minaj
6) Shoot To Thrill - AC/DC
7) Breath of Life - Florence + The Machine
8) My Sweet Song - Toby Lightman
9) Unless You Speak From Your Heart - Porcelain Raft
10) Gotta Go - Oberhofer
~Jenny Rockstar
3.28.2012
Sometimes a little advice is all you need....
This morning, as I opened my five million emails that I received while sleeping, I came across a response from a friend. (Well, maybe not five million, but you get the idea.) He recently shared his joys and fears about realizing his true passion in life, and how it will affect him and his family. While we have not talked in a very long time, I wrote him back, proud that despite what changes this passion would bring, that he needs to be happy and follow his heart. His response to me was a quote....one that reminded me that a lot of work goes into what you love before you reap any benefits. Needless to say, it got me thinking.
When I was in college, I thought that I'd have it all right after graduation. The perfect job, the perfect career, jet-setting to interview all the big bands that I have dreamed of interviewing. I wanted to be the next Rob Sheffield or Lester Bangs....but life doesn't work like that. Instead, I feel like I watched myself stray farther and farther away from those things I loved and into a life that was nothing like I had dreamed. Yet I still bought new music, immersed myself in songs and melodies that provided my scattered brain some solace.
At 28, I still struggle to reach that dream career that I've always wanted....but I'm not afraid to go for it anymore. I want it all. I plan on spending more time with those things I love so much, writing more columns, interviewing more interesting music personalities, and giving myself a chance to achieve my ultimate dream of being a music journalist.
So for now, I sign up for another music site and continue to immerse my ears in sweet, unknown melodies, pushing hard and dreaming for the moment I make it to the top. Anything is possible, it's just the journey that I need to focus on. I'm ready.
With that said, here's a fun little playlist for today....I'm feeling inspired with all of the old and new music out there. And to my friend: thank you for the reminder.
Jenn's Inspirational Playlist:
1) Somebody That I Used To Know - Gotye
2) Into The Mystic - Van Morrison
3) She's Like A Rainbow - The Rolling Stones
4) Blitzkrieg Bop - The Ramones
5) Shoreline - Deas Veil
6) Welcome Home - The O.C. Supertones
7) Number Four - Twothirtyeight
8) Middle of the Night - Sherwood
9) Umbrellas - Sleeping at Last
10) Lake Michigan - Rogue Wave
I'm going for it....are you?
~ Jenny Rockstar
3.25.2012
Perception seems to be everything nowadays....
I've been thinking a lot lately about perception. To one person, I may seem like the nicest person they have ever met and to another....I'm the devil incarnate. I appear super intelligent to one and a complete idiot (in their opinion) to another. Another could think I'm super beautiful and yet someone else could look at me like I'm the proverbial 'ugly duckling' of the group.
Perception is important to many people and while it has mattered to me in certain respects, overly I don't care. I am who I am and if that's not enough, then you don't need to be in my life. I'm just tired of trying to please everyone when in the end, I only need to be true to myself.
It's just exhausting at times, you know? Trying to just be who I want to be with a world of people who for some reason or another feel the need to rip me apart for no reason; for people who think that I'm not worth understanding or make fun of me behind my back with their other friends. Is it really so necessary to focus on me when there are so many other interesting things happening in the world?
I'd rather focus on writing about everything I see and immersing my ears in all the music out there. Or maybe just spending time with Matt and taking lots of beautiful pictures to share with friends. Then again, maybe I'd like to take a random road-trip to some place different and create new memories. But I don't need to feel like crap for not being like everyone else. I march to the beat of my own drum and if there's a problem with that, then obviously I must be doing something right to make others jealous of my happiness.
And now back to my regularly scheduled music listening....
~Jenny Rockstar
2.08.2012
breaking down the wall....
As of lately, my persistence in life has been met by what I refer to as "the wall."
When it comes to this wall, it feels like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to smash my fists against it, effort seems futile. I get tired, but I know that I need to keep on attempting to knock down my wall. Why? Because if I don't, then I have given up...and I am not a quitter.
Whether it's my writing, or my photography, or any project I work on, I refuse to give up anymore than I have. I'm stronger than I have given myself credit for and now that I understand this, I can't back down. The world is in front of me and turning away from all the opportunity would not only disappoint those around me, but mostly myself.
I will find the crack, keep pushing through, and break down everything around me. Screw the odds, the boundaries, the limitations. 2012 is my year...and I will make sure it stays that way.
~Jenny Rockstar
1.31.2012
some late night musings....
Coming close to 2 am....and yet I can't sleep yet. I have too much energy at the moment.
I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and where I'm heading. I have to admit, it's farther than I have been in the past few years, and yet I know that there's still a long way to go. The ideas are coming quicker, the ambition to be a writer returns with each word I write, the music in my soul gets louder, and my dreams seem reachable. (When have my dreams ever been this close? I can't remember.)
But I'm determined to make this year epic. The door is cracking open just a little and it's my job to push harder and open it all the way. I can't give up now. It's too close for me to turn around and walk away.
I'm grateful for where my life is heading. On the verge of a breakthrough and the surface has only been scratched.
Dream interviews, here I come.
Dream job, here I come.
Dream life....I'm already there.
~Jenny Rockstar
I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and where I'm heading. I have to admit, it's farther than I have been in the past few years, and yet I know that there's still a long way to go. The ideas are coming quicker, the ambition to be a writer returns with each word I write, the music in my soul gets louder, and my dreams seem reachable. (When have my dreams ever been this close? I can't remember.)
But I'm determined to make this year epic. The door is cracking open just a little and it's my job to push harder and open it all the way. I can't give up now. It's too close for me to turn around and walk away.
I'm grateful for where my life is heading. On the verge of a breakthrough and the surface has only been scratched.
Dream interviews, here I come.
Dream job, here I come.
Dream life....I'm already there.
~Jenny Rockstar
1.26.2012
a little time to update and think....
Definitely been a few days since I've thought about posting anything, but keeping busy is my goal. The writing bug has been taking over for my column as I continue to create my Grammy predictions, while another project has given me something fun to focus on.
So it's no secret that I love the band Bonnie Dune, even if I've only been able to catch the only East Coast show they've offered. But it got me (and another Twitter friend or two) thinking, especially when the Tour Manager shared how fans could help bring them here. So we knuckled down, researching information on any and every venue in NYC/NJ that would be great for the boys to check out.
Within the first day, we reached over 100 followers, as well as getting recognition from band members for our project. By the second day, we reached over 150 followers and even had our first venue showing interest.
But what I'm realizing more and more is that working on projects are about more than just accomplishing a goal. It's about getting the chance to meet new people and make new friends with individuals I may have never met if I didn't have these interests. So I'm grateful for all of it....and I'm going to keep pushing my dreams as far as they can go.
And on that note, I'm going to keep reaching as far as I can go. This year is really my year. It's going to be epic.
~Jenny Rockstar
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