Susceptibility to commitment....catching "the bug"

As of late, almost everyone around me has caught what I will call the marriage bug. It starts like this: when you hit your mid to late-20s, it feels like every other day, there's a friend either getting engaged, getting married, or on the verge of expecting. Escape is futile while those announcements clutter the Facebook news feed at an alarming rate, your texts from friends sharing the great news, or the phone calls that never end.

I won't lie, in a way, it makes me sad. Here I am at 27 years old, waiting to be bit by the bug once again. It's not a necessity to be married right here right now, but it has become something that no matter how much I try to tune it out, it's there. And for most of us that are still not married or in a relationship, this can become disconcerting....and at times, depressing.

Granted, after my previous failed attempt at being engaged, I made a decision to really get to know the next person I would be in a relationship with. I not only wanted to be in a relationship for a substantial amount of time, but also be around them long enough to really know what I was getting into. Less time would go into expensive gifts, more time into appreciating the simple things in life. I wouldn't settle for always scheduling time together, but rather being able to see someone just about any time that I wanted at a moment's notice. And most important, I wanted to be able to be myself with this person, not just feel like I had to be what they wanted me to be. Because let's face it, if you can't be yourself with the person you want to spend your time with, then what's the point of even living? The right person will accept you for who you are and desire to be around you for that.

As fate would have it, I found these very traits and 3.5 years later, it still feels like I'm falling for the first time. Recently, my friend Rhiannon reminded me that I shouldn't feel like I'm being pressured into taking the next step, but more that I should be patient with whatever comes next. And that above all else, as long as there's true love there, everything will come in its own time. I know she's right, especially knowing that what I knew before this relationship wasn't exactly the real thing. True, there were moments, but my relationship should be more than just the moments. I want the whole thing, not just little bites here and there. 

Vacations and dinner dates are nice to have, but that day-to-day interaction is what matters. The ability to have a casual conversation that engages you. Cooking dinner together as much as possible. Rubbing one another's feet after a long day. Going to the store together to make decisions on either what to eat or what would look great in a certain room. Just sitting in the same room not talking, but feeling comfortable in that silence. Never forgetting to say every single day just how much you mean to each other, even if you're fighting or just in a bad funk. Sharing a smile or a look across a crowded room, showing appreciation and love. 

These are the things that matter most and while I haven't reached that next step just yet, I know it won't be taken out of obligation or pressure. It'll be done because it's meant to happen like that. My day may not come anytime soon, but I don't discount that it's coming. While it makes me a little sad that it hasn't come yet, the patience will be rewarding in the end. 

For those who are either in the same boat as me or still searching, here's my playlist of hope:

Jenn's Hopeful Playlist:

1) Bigger Than My Body - John Mayer
2) Marry Me - Train
3) Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop - Landon Pigg
4) Look Straight at Me - Dave Pittenger Band
5) Thank You - Led Zeppelin
6) Sweet Thing - Van Morrison
7) Vienna - Billy Joel
8) Only You - Yaz
9) Let It Be Me - Rosie Thomas
10) Someone Like You - Adele


Being patient may not always be easy, but I have hope for my future....even if it's not exactly where I want it just yet.

~Jenny Rockstar