some late night musings....

Coming close to 2 am....and yet I can't sleep yet. I have too much energy at the moment.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and where I'm heading. I have to admit, it's farther than I have been in the past few years, and yet I know that there's still a long way to go. The ideas are coming quicker, the ambition to be a writer returns with each word I write, the music in my soul gets louder, and my dreams seem reachable. (When have my dreams ever been this close? I can't remember.)

But I'm determined to make this year epic. The door is cracking open just a little and it's my job to push harder and open it all the way. I can't give up now. It's too close for me to turn around and walk away. 

I'm grateful for where my life is heading. On the verge of a breakthrough and the surface has only been scratched. 

Dream interviews, here I come.

Dream job, here I come.

Dream life....I'm already there.

~Jenny Rockstar


a little time to update and think....

Definitely been a few days since I've thought about posting anything, but keeping busy is my goal. The writing bug has been taking over for my column as I continue to create my Grammy predictions, while another project has given me something fun to focus on.

So it's no secret that I love the band Bonnie Dune, even if I've only been able to catch the only East Coast show they've offered. But it got me (and another Twitter friend or two) thinking, especially when the Tour Manager shared how fans could help bring them here. So we knuckled down, researching information on any and every venue in NYC/NJ that would be great for the boys to check out. 

Within the first day, we reached over 100 followers, as well as getting recognition from band members for our project. By the second day, we reached over 150 followers and even had our first venue showing interest. 

But what I'm realizing more and more is that working on projects are about more than just accomplishing a goal. It's about getting the chance to meet new people and make new friends with individuals I may have never met if I didn't have these interests. So I'm grateful for all of it....and I'm going to keep pushing my dreams as far as they can go. 

And on that note, I'm going to keep reaching as far as I can go. This year is really my year. It's going to be epic.

~Jenny Rockstar


A remake better than the original....at least I think so

I normally never post videos on any blog I write....especially here. But last night, as I watched one of my favorite shows, Glee, this particular number came up. I had been hearing about this song for weeks and weeks, knowing that it was going to be a number performed by Rachel for Finn. 

Just the arrangement of the performance, coupled with the emotion shown was enough to make me reach for several Kleenex. I know fans are very into this song right now, but I look at it as more than just a tear-jerker. It felt like in that moment, I could feel exactly what was happening....especially since I feel this way every single day and have for the past four years. 

So there it is. I think you should watch it. Watch it with a box a Kleenex on hand and/or your love by your side (if you have one). Glee has truly stepped up their game with giving us this. And big props to Lea Michele and Cory Monteith for their part in this performance. The Finn/Rachel dynamic would not be the same without them being Finn & Rachel, or 'Finchel' for those superfans (like me!)

Alright, now back to my normal blogging rituals....but feeling just a little more love than usual.

~Jenny Rockstar

p.s. - I love you too....life would not be the same without you. <3


One Knock is Sometimes Enough....

When many think of 'opportunity' in their life, it's automatically assumed that the chance received will always be right away. Some forget that hard work needs to be incorporated into the equation, while many others tend to overlook the small things that could lead to the bigger part. 

While I was brainstorming over my upcoming columns, my editor approached me with a wonderful writing opportunity: an interview with a well-known Flamenco singer. At first, I will admit to feeling a little out of my element with the genre of music. But I figured, "why not" and accepted the writing challenge.

I know there are moments in life when we don't get to do the exact things we want, but many of us don't seem to remember that it is in those steps we take that the goal can be reached. Sometimes we take on tasks that seem completely different from the original path....and the results surprise us in ways none of us thought possible. 

That's the thing about opportunity: you don't know where or when it will knock....you just need to be prepared to open the door when it comes. And at 28, I've finally heard the knock.

Let's hope this door leads me somewhere great.

~Jenny Rockstar


droppin' some knowledge....Jenny style

Whenever I go out to one of Matt's shows, I am always amused. Whether it be the various dancers that head out to the floor after a few drinks have been downed, dirty looks from girls who think they have a chance with my man, or even the men that attempt to hit on me as I'm trying to enjoy a relaxing night with my girls; this is focused on the latter.

It doesn't seem to matter where or when it happens....on a night out where I hang out with my girls, men always seem to try and interrupt with drunken charm coupled with a need to get pretty girls up and dancing. The truth of the matter is, I dance every other time I'm out, so why do I need to get up now? 

The first time they walk away, I just shrug it off and go back to talking with my friends. By the second time I'm curious to their motivation, as I've clearly demonstrated that I'm not interested. But by the third time, it's just downright annoying. So in an effort to add a little bit of humor to the situation, here's a little something for the boys:

Dear Drunken Male Bar Patron Hitting on Me:

I know you think I'm cute and would love nothing more than for me to grace you with my sweet dancing moves. Of course, if you could word your slurring phrases in this fashion instead of making me feel like it's "wrong" for me to be sitting & enjoying the music....I wouldn't have to laugh with my friends at how ridiculous you are. 

Don't get me wrong, it makes me feel good that you want to talk to me and possibly buy me a cocktail, but I'm only really in it for the free drink. It's more than just the fact that my boyfriend is up on the stage performing and I'm here to see him play. It's the truth that I just don't want to talk to you, no offense. 

So please understand when I don't make more than polite conversation as your drink proceeds to spill on me for the 40th time. Maybe instead of a new drink, you can buy me a new outfit, asshole. Or maybe you could learn how to hold a drink while talking to a girl. 

Sorry if I offended you, but even if I was single, your behavior is a major turn-off. Have a nice life!


p.s. - Also, please don't make those stupid comments trying to be "cute"....I just find them awkward and confusing, so do my friends.  


Friggatriskaidekaphobia....meh, whatever

Today is that uber-superstitious day again : Friday the 13th. Some people shy away from it, choosing to avoid all black cats, walking under any/all ladders, and anything with  ominous numbers. On the other hand, there are others who choose the other side of that coin; they dare to bend the rules and defy the odds by any means necessary. 

I tend to look at Friday the 13th as a "whatever happens, happens" kind of day. I have had positive and negative experiences on this very day. It doesn't mean that I'm not superstitious....quite the opposite. I don't step on cracks in the sidewalk, have an aversion to walking under any ladders, and treat mirrors like a fragile trinket in fear of breaking one. No, I just don't look at a day that is normally attached to "bad luck" as anything more than just a day. 

It got me thinking about the idea of good or bad luck. I do believe in it, yes, but sometimes luck is what you make of your choices. Luck is determined by you, not by some divine spirit. If you want something bad enough, the cards fall in a way to cater to your favor. It won't always be easy to reach for it, but it's possible to attain it with a lot of hard work. 

While I eagerly try to find some semblance of a "Friday the 13th" marathon, I can rest easy knowing that these superstitions don't dictate my life....I do.

~Jenny Rockstar


I think Oscar Wilde had it right....

Sometimes (or actually quite a bit), I tend to reminisce about the past and how it brought me to where I am now. I look through old pictures, books of memories I have saved, listen to songs during that I had listened to during that time. Last night was no exception.

As I sat there with my book of memories open and flipping through my iPod for music, I felt the urge to put on the soundtrack for The Last Five Years. Flipping through the familiar tracks and re-living those memories, I reflected on where I was at that point in my life....2005.

Just out of college with the world ahead of me, I was still rather sad....even if I didn't want to acknowledge it at the time. I kept deluding myself that I was truly happy, even though I felt like I couldn't be myself for fear of rejection. Instead, I allowed others to mold & form me into an individual that today, I would probably sit down and lecture for their behavior. I was isolated from my old self, the one that loved to dance and sing and fill life with beauty and vibrancy. 

The world felt like it was on my shoulders, literally. I had a family to keep happy, a bf to keep happy, friends to keep happy, a quest to find a job, a dream I was afraid I wouldn't reach and the nagging thought of rejection preying on my mind. I was a mess in many ways. When you graduate college, people think it's common to find cocky, confident graduates thinking they were going to make it. I wasn't one of them. I put up a good front that I was, but I worried about failing more times than anyone will ever know.

2005 was a lonely time, but not the worst one. (I think 2007 gets that honor.) It has taken me a long time to catch up with all those things I missed out on during that time, but I've finally gotten there. The past taught me to never let anything hold me back, whether it be a relationship, a job, my own insecurities, even a loved one. If it's what I want, people will understand. 

I know it's not the end of me occasionally looking back on my past, but I know that my future looks a lot brighter than I can understand. It's what I make of it....not what others want it to be.  

Finally, I get to be myself.

~Jenny Rockstar


Clearing the mind....and some dishes

As I was tidying the house today, I couldn't help but feel my mind become less cluttered with every piece of clean clothing that was folded and put away, beds made, dishes washed, everything in its place. Normally, I'm alright with leaving the house in a bit of clutter, as long as it's not too out of control. But, as always, the clutter piles up and up and before you know it....there's more mess in a space that was once clean.

Lately, I've been wanting (and sometimes needing) that cleanliness in my life. Mainly because it makes the house look pretty and inviting, but also to help me think clearly. For so long, I was okay with the clutter. Looking back on that feeling, I probably tried to avoid dealing with the mess that needed to be organized and thought out. Instead, I would work to fill the mess with more things that may or may not help me to find the solution. Unfortunately, it never worked. So with time on my hands and a head full of junk, I started cleaning.

At first it seemed daunting, just like any task. But soon enough, when I finished one thing, another thing would be started without hesitation. And slowly, but surely, as each task was accomplished, I felt freer. I felt less discombobulated and scatter-brained. I felt more in control of my life and all around me. Everything was being put in its place, space was being created for new things; my mind felt more at ease with every dish that I laid out to dry. 

I realize that there's still more to go, but I'm excited about keeping with this change. In fact, I welcome all that it offers.

~Jenny Rockstar


Making the right changes....

Wow, I'm really enjoying this unwinding at the end of the day. After spending a rather large portion of my day cleaning, food shopping & researching for my next column, I've really started to think about what I want out of 2012.

Sure, I hope it's bigger and better than 2011 and all other years before, but what does that mean? What do I really want out of the next year that no other year has afforded me? As I sit here with my delicious green lemon tea (with honey), I started putting together a few goals that I hope to accomplish in 2012.

First, I know that my career is finally starting to take shape. In years past, all I would do is write and share with others what I wanted to share. Some tried to push me too fast in a direction that I wasn't really comfortable with, but that's okay. I lived and learned....realizing that I should never compromise what I know I want. So with my career underway, I plan on working towards my ultimate music journalism goal: interviewing my favorite musicians. It's a bit ambitious, but with my dream of Rolling Stone, it's all I could ever ask for!

Second, I want to improve on my health, which means better eating and exercise habits. I've already gone a couple weeks without drinking soda (or a lot of alcohol) all the time and I feel TONS better already!  Now all I need is to continue getting back into eating healthier (and exercise routines) and all will be right with the world!

Third, it would be pretty awesome to learn a new language this year. I have the basic ones I want to learn/brush up on (Spanish, French, Italian, German)....but to add to that list, I'd want to learn a language I've never thought of learning before, maybe Mandarin Chinese or Greek. Maybe as a way to communicate better with Matt's relatives from Greece, I have my answer as to which one I should learn. 

Fourth, if possible, I'd love to become a snail mail penpal for someone, whether it be a friend or a complete stranger. There's just something so special about receiving a letter in the mail. It means more than an email or a text. Spending the time to write to someone and share a piece of yourself with them? That's just wonderful. 

Fifth, whenever I get the chance, I'd like to travel more. I know I need to save more, so this may take a back-burner while Matt & I save money, but even a few day trips to new places couldn't hurt, could it? It could also be a good thing for my photography. 

Sixth, while writing about music continues to thrive for me, it would be fantastic to have a chance to attend a few concerts this year. I love seeing Matt perform as much as possible, but after seeing Bonnie Dune last summer, I realized I need to go to more original band shows. I felt a little more complete when I had the chance to do just that. 

And seventh, speaking of writing, I should write more in this blog! I've spent so much time focused on music lately, that sharing my thoughts and stories here have dwindled considerably. It shouldn't. I should start writing even more this year than I have ever written. Every thought and feeling that I can type, it should be here. 

Well, for now I'm ready to call it a night. Until tomorrow, my trusty readers. :::hugs & kisses:::

~Jenny Rockstar


Sometimes....I just can't help but feel the love

Sometimes....I feel overwhelmed, but not in a bad way. I just see and feel the beauty of my life every chance I get. Whether it be in a song, a quote, a moment, a breath, anything really....my heart just feels the need to burst with joy. 

Today is Matt's and my four year anniversary. And my first thought this morning was how blessed I feel in this moment. Before this, I had thought that I may never find happiness in anything ever again. But slowly and surely, the pieces of my heart were put back together, all rips & tears patched up, the rough edges smoothed over. While my heart may never be the same again, I know that without Matt, I would not be the same. I guess this is what it really feels like when you meet the love of your life. 

You know, it feels amazing to feel this way, where everything and anything just fills you with such immense happiness....and now I wonder why I didn't think of this sooner. But life is about a journey, a path that we all decide to take. We make our own rules, our own maps and plan it out the way we think will take us to our destination.

I wonder where 2012 will take me in my journey. All I know is I'm ready to embrace it, all of it.

Bring it.

~Jenny Rockstar