A little reflection....and dorkiness....

There are times within the madness of life, I choose to find solace.

Not always an easy task, especially with wedding plans taking over what is normally a peaceful summer, but it's manageable. I know Matt also tries to adhere to this mantra, pushing for relaxation at every little nook and cranny possible. 

And especially today, with J. Mascis in my earbuds, a cloudy day, and a sense of accomplishment from yesterday's wedding adventure, I find the solace in life. In less than 10 weeks, my life is going to change in a huge way. Well, not as huge if Matt and I didn't live together, but we're taking that next step. 

My last name is going to change. A name I have had for 30 years now. And before I know it, even that will change. The new chapter begins. And with it, even more purpose to strive for what I believe in.

After Kyle, I felt so lost and broken. I thought my heart would never mend, that I would forever be longing for someone and I wouldn't find someone to share my life with. When Matt came into the picture, he managed to give me time.

Time to put myself back together, quietly encouraging me to be me. Time to smile and compliment, patiently and methodically putting a smile on my face at every turn. Time to show me how a man truly loves.

I felt like a whole person before him, he just enhances that completeness in ways that at times I still try to understand. But I guess it's okay to not understand everything all at once. I'm sure the pieces will continue to fit together as our story unravels, little by little, this journey that we take together.

~Jenny Rockstar


a tale of many buttons....

There's this one bag that I own, one I have had for over ten years now....and it is FILLED with nothing but buttons and two patches.

It's nothing special, the bag. It was a Gap clearance item that I knew I needed to have, one that I purchased while I was with my bitta bunny (aka best friend) Vicki. Yes, we have a fun nickname, a memory of how we really cemented our friendship.

But since then, I started purchasing and collecting buttons along the way. Some of bands/shows I went to see/watched, others funny phrases that always put a smile on my face. Even some that made no sense whatsoever, yet I just thought they were cool to begin with (and probably free). Each one found a place on that bag. And when I started feeling there wasn't enough room on the front, I started around the strap next. Over time, the buttons got what I refer to as 'character'....scuff marks and weathered edges from years of running in the rain and bumping into animate (and inanimate) objects. I brought that bag everywhere

And for a while, I didn't add anything, allowing the bag to sit in my closet....until I went to Comic Con a couple weeks ago and proceeded to buy a whole slew of buttons! I wanted to refresh my collection a little with some of the new adventures in my life. New (old) bands I started listening to, movies that resonate with my personality, nostalgic pins of my childhood favorites. 

Today, when I finally had the chance to update the bag, I set to work on rearranging my masterpiece....and learned a little more about myself. The girl who bought this bag had ambition, had drive, and was ready to take on the world as a serious writer. The buttons serving as bookmarks in a life that I had hoped to create for myself.

In ways, I still am that same person, even if it's through different avenues than I had originally anticipated. That bag carried my books to class (a lot of them literature and journalism textbooks), was dragged to concerts, festivals, and various outings where the atmosphere left a little piece of itself. It saw both coasts, several road trips, and several floors when I would put it down. 

This bag and all its "memories" remind me that while it's important to look forward, it's also important to look back at those very things that ground you....and keep them in your life. But only the important things. Otherwise, you'll spend way too much time focusing on what has been and not enough to change the now into what you want. 

~ Jenny Rockstar

P.S. - I totally made a hook for my bag to hang on by my bed now....just a reminder.