Being thankful for the present...

Another Thanksgiving come and gone...

and so many reasons to be thankful.

Today Matt & I had the chance to spend Thanksgiving with my family. Normally we spend it with his mother and cook, stuff our faces, drink lots of wine, and pass out at her house. Unfortunately, due to the storm, our yearly plans were changed and off Matt & I went to join in my family's yearly tradition. 

Firstly, it starts with several people coming over...roughly 30 or so. But the best part is seeing my stepbrothers and their wives, my nieces, my nephew, and my parents (just to name a few). I always enjoy spending time with all of them, even though free time to include Matt is always limited. 

But being surrounded by love, laughter, joy, and all the food we could scarf down? I wouldn't trade those moments for anything in the world. Hanging out with Scott, Matt, and my father on the deck listening to "Family Guy: Live in Vegas"...normal dinner hijinx with my Uncle Mark...watching Matty's "Rock C-3PO" video he made (and Lexi and I wanting to post that on YouTube)...even hearing Karen (my sister-in-law) tell her youngest one, Maggie, to give "Uncle Matt" a kiss goodbye. 

And in these moments, I contemplated the meaning of "thankful."

I have thought about the notion of being thankful more and more recently. In the past, I thought I was thankful for the right reasons (and right people). It would take a holiday to remind me the reasons I had to be grateful for all that I had. But now, more than ever, I feel grateful every single day for my life. And that's the best way to be thankful, when you feel that feeling each day for the people in your life, for the roof over your head, food on your table, and the love and kindness surrounding you. 

Maybe it's the holiday spirit, maybe it's the Christmas mix I spent time making for my iTunes (that is now playing through my surround sound), or maybe all of the tasty wine I had with dinner...but I just can't help but want to smile and be happy that this is the turn my life took. That this is where I am, rather than where I might have been. With an extended family filled with love and kindness, a man who always wants to share his love and life with me, a blossoming career that keeps getting better with each step I take, and the greatest friends in the world.

This is truly the best life ever.

~ Jenny Rockstar


The Power of Hope

As I sit here with Matt in his mother's house (because our house is going on day 6 with no power), I can't help but feel grateful for everything in my life at this moment. There are so many people who have lost everything they own...and then some. 

While Sandy barreled through our state (and the ones neighboring us), the NJ I grew up in has forever changed. The piers at Seaside are gone, a place where I spent much time with my family, friends, current and past loves. I can't even go back to those special spots...they're scattered all up and down the coastline.

On Thursday, when Matt & I had ventured out to check on Matt's mother in Point Pleasant, we were greeted by the sight of National Guard trucks standing guard at Bayhead (and patrolling parts of Point Pleasant), people emptying their lives into garbage bags at the curb, and the feeling of hopelessness. Homes were destroyed, entire towns washed away, the geography of our "backyard" changed within a matter of hours. We even went to Point Pleasant Beach, where I saw the Tiki Bar, a source of most of our summer fun, missing the entire back half that is now strewn all along the coast. Needless to say, my heart truly broke in those moments.

We've all tried to stay strong...and yet we reach our breaking points. I've seen many break down and cry (myself included). It's a war zone, in a community that used to bring nothing but joy and fill up summers and summers worth of childhood memories. 

Yet despite all of it, I'm going to smile. I smile for the sense of community I see as we help one another. I smile for every hug I have been able to give and receive. I smile for every person I have been able to encounter. I smile for appreciating the simple things, like light, heat, a comfy bed, hot coffee. I smile knowing that I've been in touch with several of my friends and loved ones, putting them (and myself) at ease just with a simple text, tweet, FB update, phone call. I smile, because being angry, sad, and depressed just can't be anymore. We can't be hurting one another, lashing out at each other, trying to see who has it worse. We've all suffered, we're all hurting, we're all human, and we should all be grateful when we hear the positive things. Those little positives are what have helped me get through days with at least a smile or two.

I've cried (and probably will continue to), but I'm stronger. We're stronger than this. We will rebuild. We will bounce back in time. We will learn from this and return with a vengeance! Everything is replaceable. It may not be the same as we remember, but we can come close. And why? 

Because as East Coasters, we're superheroes. 

~ Jenny Rockstar


in my hometown...

Yesterday I had to return to my hometown for my father's surprise b-day party. It was surreal being in Kenilworth again, but somehow....I felt at peace with everything. In a way, coming "home" for a few hours reminded me that no matter where I go, where I came from will always shape me as a person. 

And I'm grateful for that now. More than I have ever been in my life. I don't see myself moving back there at any point, but I think I'm alright with visiting on occasion. 

Even more importantly, repairing whatever damage was caused in years past. That's still a work in progress...but I think I'm getting there. 

~ Jenny Rockstar


Sharing the love....

It's been 11 years today.

11 years ago, I can still remember every feeling and thought that ran through my mind as I sat in Rita Hall, eating breakfast and hearing about the first plane hitting. I shrugged it off, thinking it was only a little Cesna. I could not have been more mistaken.

I can still recall the conversations occurring when I entered French class in Marion Hall that morning...my classmates telling me about the second plane, the Pentagon being on fire, the plane that crashed in PA. The surreality of the situation numbed me to my very core. None of this could ever be true, could it? But when my  French professor walked into the room, her face said it all. And instead of learning about the vocabulary lesson we had due that day, we spoke about the violence.

Walking back to my dorm was surreal, my bookbag dragging behind me (mainly because I wasn't able to process the turn of events.) But the moment I walked into my dorm room and my roommate questioned me, I broke. Turning on the television, the both of us watched as the towers fell, engulfed in thick smoke from the flames of the planes that crashed into them. I had to talk to my family. I had to talk to my friends. I had to feel like everyone was ok. I spent hours doing just that, attempting to keep calm and get through each conversation without breaking into tears. I had to be strong. Even though it wasn't me there, I felt like in a way, it hurt me personally.

It's been 11 years and even as I woke up today, I was struck by that same melancholy and panic that I had the moment it happened. But I pulled myself out of bed, walked downstairs and greeted Matt (who had apparently been up for hours before me.) And in our simple "good morning" exchange, I felt the love. The pain lessened, warmth crept in and all was well.

I want all of you to know I love you and care about you. (Even if I don't know you personally, I want to share my love with you.) After that extremely rough and tragic day 11 years ago, I can also remember the feeling of love I felt at dinnertime, when I walked into Rita Hall and saw tables filled with students. No one sat alone, everyone needing that closeness of their peers. Some of us spoke about the incident, others tried to crack jokes and talk about their families to create smiles.

Love is a powerful thing. Without it, we can't function properly. And so today, I send all my love out to each and every one of you. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get through September 11th without wanting to break down, but I have all the love that I need to try. Today, and every day, let's put the hatred and tragedy down with love. I may seem too hopeful, but I'd rather be that than cry my eyes out.

~ Jenny Rockstar


Living in the moment....

So it's been a while, I know. 

When it comes down to it, my life has been rather crazy the past few months so instead of venting it out here like a healthy person, I've been otherwise dedicated to finishing up my responsibilities as quickly as possible with minimal distraction. 

(That doesn't mean I haven't been writing though. On the contrary...I've been filling notebooks with thoughts and musings of all kinds!)

For the first time in a long time, I feel free. I worry all the time about what others do think of me (even though I wish I could tune them out sometimes.) It doesn't stop me from being who I am, but day after day almost seems like having to put on a little show for the world...not being able to display all of the colors in my rainbow. That stops here and with it, I find that I want to go forth even more and be myself...adding a few things here and there.  

This summer is going to be a little different. I've started creating a list of all the things I hope to do (or at least start/work on) this summer. There will be more writing, more beach trips, and a lot more living. Whether it be just doing more getaways with Matty for a night (or two) or even sitting on the local beach with a notebook, there will be more of that. More city trips, more laughter/fun times with friends & family, more pictures taken, and definitely more original band concerts. 

I know I live now, but there can never be such a thing as living TOO much! (Still got a lot of catching up to do on all the years I really didn't.)

I'm jumping in, head first--nothing can stop me now.

Contemplation Playlist:

1) Watch The Sunrise - Big Star
2)  I Can Only Give You Everything - Nick Waterhouse
3) Roots Before Branches - Room For Two
4) Valtari - Sigur Ros
5) Starships - Nicki Minaj
6) Shoot To Thrill - AC/DC
7) Breath of Life - Florence + The Machine
8) My Sweet Song - Toby Lightman
9) Unless You Speak From Your Heart - Porcelain Raft
10) Gotta Go - Oberhofer

~Jenny Rockstar


Sometimes a little advice is all you need....

This morning, as I opened my five million emails that I received while sleeping, I came across a response from a friend. (Well, maybe not five million, but you get the idea.) He recently shared his joys and fears about realizing his true passion in life, and how it will affect him and his family. While we have not talked in a very long time, I wrote him back, proud that despite what changes this passion would bring, that he needs to be happy and follow his heart. His response to me was a quote....one that reminded me that a lot of work goes into what you love before you reap any benefits. Needless to say, it got me thinking.

When I was in college, I thought that I'd have it all right after graduation. The perfect job, the perfect career, jet-setting to interview all the big bands that I have dreamed of interviewing. I wanted to be the next Rob Sheffield or Lester Bangs....but life doesn't work like that. Instead, I feel like I watched myself stray farther and farther away from those things I loved and into a life that was nothing like I had dreamed. Yet I still bought new music, immersed myself in songs and melodies that provided my scattered brain some solace.

At 28, I still struggle to reach that dream career that I've always wanted....but I'm not afraid to go for it anymore. I want it all. I plan on spending more time with those things I love so much, writing more columns, interviewing more interesting music personalities, and giving myself a chance to achieve my ultimate dream of being a music journalist. 

So for now, I sign up for another music site and continue to immerse my ears in sweet, unknown melodies, pushing hard and dreaming for the moment I make it to the top. Anything is possible, it's just the journey that I need to focus on. I'm ready

With that said, here's a fun little playlist for today....I'm feeling inspired with all of the old and new music out there. And to my friend: thank you for the reminder. 

Jenn's Inspirational Playlist:

1) Somebody That I Used To Know - Gotye
2) Into The Mystic - Van Morrison
3) She's Like A Rainbow - The Rolling Stones
4) Blitzkrieg Bop - The Ramones
5) Shoreline - Deas Veil
6) Welcome Home - The O.C. Supertones
7) Number Four - Twothirtyeight
8) Middle of the Night - Sherwood
9) Umbrellas - Sleeping at Last
10) Lake Michigan - Rogue Wave

I'm going for it....are you?

~ Jenny Rockstar


Perception seems to be everything nowadays....

I've been thinking a lot lately about perception. To one person, I may seem like the nicest person they have ever met and to another....I'm the devil incarnate. I appear super intelligent to one and a complete idiot (in their opinion) to another. Another could think I'm super beautiful and yet someone else could look at me like I'm the proverbial 'ugly duckling' of the group. 

Perception is important to many people and while it has mattered to me in certain respects, overly I don't care. I am who I am and if that's not enough, then you don't need to be in my life. I'm just tired of trying to please everyone when in the end, I only need to be true to myself.

It's just exhausting at times, you know? Trying to just be who I want to be with a world of people who for some reason or another feel the need to rip me apart for no reason; for people who think that I'm not worth understanding or make fun of me behind my back with their other friends. Is it really so necessary to focus on me when there are so many other interesting things happening in the world?

I'd rather focus on writing about everything I see and immersing my ears in all the music out there. Or maybe just spending time with Matt and taking lots of beautiful pictures to share with friends. Then again, maybe I'd like to take a random road-trip to some place different and create new memories. But I don't need to feel like crap for not being like everyone else. I march to the beat of my own drum and if there's a problem with that, then obviously I must be doing something right to make others jealous of my happiness. 

And now back to my regularly scheduled music listening....

~Jenny Rockstar   


breaking down the wall....

As of lately, my persistence in life has been met by what I refer to as "the wall."

When it comes to this wall, it feels like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to smash my fists against it, effort seems futile. I get tired, but I know that I need to keep on attempting to knock down my wall. Why? Because if I don't, then I have given up...and I am not a quitter. 

Whether it's my writing, or my photography, or any project I work on, I refuse to give up anymore than I have. I'm stronger than I have given myself credit for and now that I understand this, I can't back down. The world is in front of me and turning away from all the opportunity would not only disappoint those around me, but mostly myself. 

I will find the crack, keep pushing through, and break down everything around me. Screw the odds, the boundaries, the limitations. 2012 is my year...and I will make sure it stays that way.

~Jenny Rockstar


some late night musings....

Coming close to 2 am....and yet I can't sleep yet. I have too much energy at the moment.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and where I'm heading. I have to admit, it's farther than I have been in the past few years, and yet I know that there's still a long way to go. The ideas are coming quicker, the ambition to be a writer returns with each word I write, the music in my soul gets louder, and my dreams seem reachable. (When have my dreams ever been this close? I can't remember.)

But I'm determined to make this year epic. The door is cracking open just a little and it's my job to push harder and open it all the way. I can't give up now. It's too close for me to turn around and walk away. 

I'm grateful for where my life is heading. On the verge of a breakthrough and the surface has only been scratched. 

Dream interviews, here I come.

Dream job, here I come.

Dream life....I'm already there.

~Jenny Rockstar


a little time to update and think....

Definitely been a few days since I've thought about posting anything, but keeping busy is my goal. The writing bug has been taking over for my column as I continue to create my Grammy predictions, while another project has given me something fun to focus on.

So it's no secret that I love the band Bonnie Dune, even if I've only been able to catch the only East Coast show they've offered. But it got me (and another Twitter friend or two) thinking, especially when the Tour Manager shared how fans could help bring them here. So we knuckled down, researching information on any and every venue in NYC/NJ that would be great for the boys to check out. 

Within the first day, we reached over 100 followers, as well as getting recognition from band members for our project. By the second day, we reached over 150 followers and even had our first venue showing interest. 

But what I'm realizing more and more is that working on projects are about more than just accomplishing a goal. It's about getting the chance to meet new people and make new friends with individuals I may have never met if I didn't have these interests. So I'm grateful for all of it....and I'm going to keep pushing my dreams as far as they can go. 

And on that note, I'm going to keep reaching as far as I can go. This year is really my year. It's going to be epic.

~Jenny Rockstar


A remake better than the original....at least I think so

I normally never post videos on any blog I write....especially here. But last night, as I watched one of my favorite shows, Glee, this particular number came up. I had been hearing about this song for weeks and weeks, knowing that it was going to be a number performed by Rachel for Finn. 

Just the arrangement of the performance, coupled with the emotion shown was enough to make me reach for several Kleenex. I know fans are very into this song right now, but I look at it as more than just a tear-jerker. It felt like in that moment, I could feel exactly what was happening....especially since I feel this way every single day and have for the past four years. 

So there it is. I think you should watch it. Watch it with a box a Kleenex on hand and/or your love by your side (if you have one). Glee has truly stepped up their game with giving us this. And big props to Lea Michele and Cory Monteith for their part in this performance. The Finn/Rachel dynamic would not be the same without them being Finn & Rachel, or 'Finchel' for those superfans (like me!)

Alright, now back to my normal blogging rituals....but feeling just a little more love than usual.

~Jenny Rockstar

p.s. - I love you too....life would not be the same without you. <3


One Knock is Sometimes Enough....

When many think of 'opportunity' in their life, it's automatically assumed that the chance received will always be right away. Some forget that hard work needs to be incorporated into the equation, while many others tend to overlook the small things that could lead to the bigger part. 

While I was brainstorming over my upcoming columns, my editor approached me with a wonderful writing opportunity: an interview with a well-known Flamenco singer. At first, I will admit to feeling a little out of my element with the genre of music. But I figured, "why not" and accepted the writing challenge.

I know there are moments in life when we don't get to do the exact things we want, but many of us don't seem to remember that it is in those steps we take that the goal can be reached. Sometimes we take on tasks that seem completely different from the original path....and the results surprise us in ways none of us thought possible. 

That's the thing about opportunity: you don't know where or when it will knock....you just need to be prepared to open the door when it comes. And at 28, I've finally heard the knock.

Let's hope this door leads me somewhere great.

~Jenny Rockstar


droppin' some knowledge....Jenny style

Whenever I go out to one of Matt's shows, I am always amused. Whether it be the various dancers that head out to the floor after a few drinks have been downed, dirty looks from girls who think they have a chance with my man, or even the men that attempt to hit on me as I'm trying to enjoy a relaxing night with my girls; this is focused on the latter.

It doesn't seem to matter where or when it happens....on a night out where I hang out with my girls, men always seem to try and interrupt with drunken charm coupled with a need to get pretty girls up and dancing. The truth of the matter is, I dance every other time I'm out, so why do I need to get up now? 

The first time they walk away, I just shrug it off and go back to talking with my friends. By the second time I'm curious to their motivation, as I've clearly demonstrated that I'm not interested. But by the third time, it's just downright annoying. So in an effort to add a little bit of humor to the situation, here's a little something for the boys:

Dear Drunken Male Bar Patron Hitting on Me:

I know you think I'm cute and would love nothing more than for me to grace you with my sweet dancing moves. Of course, if you could word your slurring phrases in this fashion instead of making me feel like it's "wrong" for me to be sitting & enjoying the music....I wouldn't have to laugh with my friends at how ridiculous you are. 

Don't get me wrong, it makes me feel good that you want to talk to me and possibly buy me a cocktail, but I'm only really in it for the free drink. It's more than just the fact that my boyfriend is up on the stage performing and I'm here to see him play. It's the truth that I just don't want to talk to you, no offense. 

So please understand when I don't make more than polite conversation as your drink proceeds to spill on me for the 40th time. Maybe instead of a new drink, you can buy me a new outfit, asshole. Or maybe you could learn how to hold a drink while talking to a girl. 

Sorry if I offended you, but even if I was single, your behavior is a major turn-off. Have a nice life!


p.s. - Also, please don't make those stupid comments trying to be "cute"....I just find them awkward and confusing, so do my friends.  


Friggatriskaidekaphobia....meh, whatever

Today is that uber-superstitious day again : Friday the 13th. Some people shy away from it, choosing to avoid all black cats, walking under any/all ladders, and anything with  ominous numbers. On the other hand, there are others who choose the other side of that coin; they dare to bend the rules and defy the odds by any means necessary. 

I tend to look at Friday the 13th as a "whatever happens, happens" kind of day. I have had positive and negative experiences on this very day. It doesn't mean that I'm not superstitious....quite the opposite. I don't step on cracks in the sidewalk, have an aversion to walking under any ladders, and treat mirrors like a fragile trinket in fear of breaking one. No, I just don't look at a day that is normally attached to "bad luck" as anything more than just a day. 

It got me thinking about the idea of good or bad luck. I do believe in it, yes, but sometimes luck is what you make of your choices. Luck is determined by you, not by some divine spirit. If you want something bad enough, the cards fall in a way to cater to your favor. It won't always be easy to reach for it, but it's possible to attain it with a lot of hard work. 

While I eagerly try to find some semblance of a "Friday the 13th" marathon, I can rest easy knowing that these superstitions don't dictate my life....I do.

~Jenny Rockstar


I think Oscar Wilde had it right....

Sometimes (or actually quite a bit), I tend to reminisce about the past and how it brought me to where I am now. I look through old pictures, books of memories I have saved, listen to songs during that I had listened to during that time. Last night was no exception.

As I sat there with my book of memories open and flipping through my iPod for music, I felt the urge to put on the soundtrack for The Last Five Years. Flipping through the familiar tracks and re-living those memories, I reflected on where I was at that point in my life....2005.

Just out of college with the world ahead of me, I was still rather sad....even if I didn't want to acknowledge it at the time. I kept deluding myself that I was truly happy, even though I felt like I couldn't be myself for fear of rejection. Instead, I allowed others to mold & form me into an individual that today, I would probably sit down and lecture for their behavior. I was isolated from my old self, the one that loved to dance and sing and fill life with beauty and vibrancy. 

The world felt like it was on my shoulders, literally. I had a family to keep happy, a bf to keep happy, friends to keep happy, a quest to find a job, a dream I was afraid I wouldn't reach and the nagging thought of rejection preying on my mind. I was a mess in many ways. When you graduate college, people think it's common to find cocky, confident graduates thinking they were going to make it. I wasn't one of them. I put up a good front that I was, but I worried about failing more times than anyone will ever know.

2005 was a lonely time, but not the worst one. (I think 2007 gets that honor.) It has taken me a long time to catch up with all those things I missed out on during that time, but I've finally gotten there. The past taught me to never let anything hold me back, whether it be a relationship, a job, my own insecurities, even a loved one. If it's what I want, people will understand. 

I know it's not the end of me occasionally looking back on my past, but I know that my future looks a lot brighter than I can understand. It's what I make of it....not what others want it to be.  

Finally, I get to be myself.

~Jenny Rockstar


Clearing the mind....and some dishes

As I was tidying the house today, I couldn't help but feel my mind become less cluttered with every piece of clean clothing that was folded and put away, beds made, dishes washed, everything in its place. Normally, I'm alright with leaving the house in a bit of clutter, as long as it's not too out of control. But, as always, the clutter piles up and up and before you know it....there's more mess in a space that was once clean.

Lately, I've been wanting (and sometimes needing) that cleanliness in my life. Mainly because it makes the house look pretty and inviting, but also to help me think clearly. For so long, I was okay with the clutter. Looking back on that feeling, I probably tried to avoid dealing with the mess that needed to be organized and thought out. Instead, I would work to fill the mess with more things that may or may not help me to find the solution. Unfortunately, it never worked. So with time on my hands and a head full of junk, I started cleaning.

At first it seemed daunting, just like any task. But soon enough, when I finished one thing, another thing would be started without hesitation. And slowly, but surely, as each task was accomplished, I felt freer. I felt less discombobulated and scatter-brained. I felt more in control of my life and all around me. Everything was being put in its place, space was being created for new things; my mind felt more at ease with every dish that I laid out to dry. 

I realize that there's still more to go, but I'm excited about keeping with this change. In fact, I welcome all that it offers.

~Jenny Rockstar


Making the right changes....

Wow, I'm really enjoying this unwinding at the end of the day. After spending a rather large portion of my day cleaning, food shopping & researching for my next column, I've really started to think about what I want out of 2012.

Sure, I hope it's bigger and better than 2011 and all other years before, but what does that mean? What do I really want out of the next year that no other year has afforded me? As I sit here with my delicious green lemon tea (with honey), I started putting together a few goals that I hope to accomplish in 2012.

First, I know that my career is finally starting to take shape. In years past, all I would do is write and share with others what I wanted to share. Some tried to push me too fast in a direction that I wasn't really comfortable with, but that's okay. I lived and learned....realizing that I should never compromise what I know I want. So with my career underway, I plan on working towards my ultimate music journalism goal: interviewing my favorite musicians. It's a bit ambitious, but with my dream of Rolling Stone, it's all I could ever ask for!

Second, I want to improve on my health, which means better eating and exercise habits. I've already gone a couple weeks without drinking soda (or a lot of alcohol) all the time and I feel TONS better already!  Now all I need is to continue getting back into eating healthier (and exercise routines) and all will be right with the world!

Third, it would be pretty awesome to learn a new language this year. I have the basic ones I want to learn/brush up on (Spanish, French, Italian, German)....but to add to that list, I'd want to learn a language I've never thought of learning before, maybe Mandarin Chinese or Greek. Maybe as a way to communicate better with Matt's relatives from Greece, I have my answer as to which one I should learn. 

Fourth, if possible, I'd love to become a snail mail penpal for someone, whether it be a friend or a complete stranger. There's just something so special about receiving a letter in the mail. It means more than an email or a text. Spending the time to write to someone and share a piece of yourself with them? That's just wonderful. 

Fifth, whenever I get the chance, I'd like to travel more. I know I need to save more, so this may take a back-burner while Matt & I save money, but even a few day trips to new places couldn't hurt, could it? It could also be a good thing for my photography. 

Sixth, while writing about music continues to thrive for me, it would be fantastic to have a chance to attend a few concerts this year. I love seeing Matt perform as much as possible, but after seeing Bonnie Dune last summer, I realized I need to go to more original band shows. I felt a little more complete when I had the chance to do just that. 

And seventh, speaking of writing, I should write more in this blog! I've spent so much time focused on music lately, that sharing my thoughts and stories here have dwindled considerably. It shouldn't. I should start writing even more this year than I have ever written. Every thought and feeling that I can type, it should be here. 

Well, for now I'm ready to call it a night. Until tomorrow, my trusty readers. :::hugs & kisses:::

~Jenny Rockstar


Sometimes....I just can't help but feel the love

Sometimes....I feel overwhelmed, but not in a bad way. I just see and feel the beauty of my life every chance I get. Whether it be in a song, a quote, a moment, a breath, anything really....my heart just feels the need to burst with joy. 

Today is Matt's and my four year anniversary. And my first thought this morning was how blessed I feel in this moment. Before this, I had thought that I may never find happiness in anything ever again. But slowly and surely, the pieces of my heart were put back together, all rips & tears patched up, the rough edges smoothed over. While my heart may never be the same again, I know that without Matt, I would not be the same. I guess this is what it really feels like when you meet the love of your life. 

You know, it feels amazing to feel this way, where everything and anything just fills you with such immense happiness....and now I wonder why I didn't think of this sooner. But life is about a journey, a path that we all decide to take. We make our own rules, our own maps and plan it out the way we think will take us to our destination.

I wonder where 2012 will take me in my journey. All I know is I'm ready to embrace it, all of it.

Bring it.

~Jenny Rockstar