pushing the musical boundary....

As difficult as it may be, I always seek ways to go outside of my comfort zone. 

Because it takes challenges to grow...and you can't grow if you don't push yourself.

And I think this summer, I'm going to push myself even further. 

I want to continue the music project I had originally started a few years back...and take it up a notch. I still have all my original notes and suggestions. (And you had better believe I delved into that list like a kid on Christmas...listening to every single note and harmony with rapt attention.)

This time, I am sure I am going to have a whole new group of music suggestions, in part thanks to all of the new friends and interesting music-minded individuals I have had the pleasure of getting to know.

I can't quite explain the pleasure that I derive from music. It's a high unlike any other. Granted, I feel the same rush when I hold my Canon Rebel in my hands or a pen over a fresh sheet of paper. But music has its own high. It gives me the strength to carry on (when I feel I can't) and the understanding that I need to take a breather (when I need to recharge). That it's okay to smile and cry from time to time. 

And getting to write about this experience? Even better. 

So what do you listen to? 

What is it that gets your blood pumping? 

(Or can turn you into a crying mess with the drop of a single note?) 

What song or album changed your life?

Or what in your collection do you keep to yourself, because you're sure that others would not quite understand how that music made it into your standard stock of albums?

I want to know about it, listen to it, and understand more about the people around me. Because there are so many who invest their time into interviews or other personal interests to assume that an individual's personality is based on favorite food or color. Personally, I feel that it's through music that you can learn so much more about a person. Music is a universal language that we all speak and relate to. 

And I want to take this onto a larger level, beyond just my normal group of friends and acquaintances. I want to get all the suggestions I can and gain a deep sense of understanding of people. 

More importantly, I want to continue to seek better understanding of myself.

Jenn's Self-Understanding Playlist:

1) Tighten Up - The Black Keys
2) All Things Must Pass - George Harrison
3) Thank You - Led Zeppelin
4) For Whom The Bell Tolls - Metallica
5) Limp - Fiona Apple

~ Jenny Rockstar

weathering the storm...

I love when it storms...

the way that the wind rustles the trees, that electric feeling in the air that crackles with a sense of purpose, those few scattered (yet perfectly executed) raindrops that land perfectly on my bare skin.

My body goes on high alert, the adrenaline coursing and pushing me to coax the storm out to play. To get the sky rumbling, the clouds looming ominously overhead, to run through the pouring rain. 

Storms are perfect in every which way, especially when I feel that inner storm in life. It feels like this great wonder of nature understands that I need an outlet, a way to feel in control of everything. And with inclement weather on the horizon, I relish in it. 

Somehow, it's in that chaos that I find the clarity. Because when you're put up against something that's as scattered and rough as you feel in that moment, you can't help but be humbled. It's as though nature just gets you without even trying. That you need to wash away the grime, make your soul feel clean again. 

We all weather the storms of life, some more turbulent and tumultuous than others. But we do it, because we need to push forward. We need to breath, stop waiting for the rain to subside, and just stand in the chaos and face it head on.

I can't wait to see what happens next....bring it on.

Jenn's Stormy Playlist:

1) Roxanne - The Police
2) Gigantic - The Pixies
3) Don't Stop Believing - Journey
4) Won't Back Down - Tom Petty 
5) Cannonball - The Breeders
6) Pennyroyal Tea - Nirvana

~ Jenny Rockstar

sometimes, you just need to look up at the stars....

This past weekend was filled with everything I could ever hope for in a holiday weekend....

good friends...great food...amazing music...and memories that will keep with me for the rest of my life.

It's a funny thing how life works out, how when everything used to seem chaotic and unsure, all it takes is finding those moments that bring you back to the present and help you appreciate everything.

I've been trying more and more lately to have appreciation for life. To live in that moment and write everything I'm feeling as much as possible. And when I can't write it down, to file it all away to memory as much as possible. 

Like those moments when after we get home from a show (on a clear night), I have this urge to just look up at the stars, twinkling ever so diligently and grounding me in the sheer fact that there is a world of opportunity and memories ahead of me. That even if it was a bad night, it can't be that bad when the world can have moments of beauty like this. 

I'm not one to march to the beat of other people's drums. I have my own thoughts, my own interests, and my own way of living.

I'm the one who wants to go to Comic Con or the Renaissance Faire for a bachelorette party instead of a strip club. (And both places better be ready for me this summer, because I'm ready to get my nerdiness on!)

I'm the one who finds solace in discovering music that I have never heard before, whether it be older or something that just came out. (And trust me, I can make some serious music aficionados look like amateurs with all of the stuff I have in my collection.)

I'm the one who wears their heart on their sleeve and doesn't let life's issues drag me down, I just keep having the big, wild heart and pursuit of happiness.

I'm the one who will bake cookies at 4:00 am and not think twice about how late it is, only that my guests are going to love them.

I'm the one who drums my fingers over every surface imaginable, because I can't seem to get the rhythm out of my head...always a song.

I'm the one that people tend to overlook, but I'm still me and I don't seek the approval.

I can brew my own iced tea, bake my own bread, rock out to the Sex Pistols like it's my job.

I wear knee socks and don't care if people think of it as a perversion...because they keep my legs warm and they're comfy as hell!

I get excited over a band favoriting a tweet or responding to my post to them, because I'm a music nerd like that.

I wear my headphones practically anywhere I can, even in a dingy bar waiting for Matt to go on to perform, just to satisfy my musical urge. 

Writing comes naturally, and even in the oddest of places, I can bury my face in a notebook, trying to get down everything thought and feeling before I'm consumed by them. 

I keep a notebook of questions I would ask my favorite celebrities/great minds/entertainers/people if given the opportunity to do so. (And even had other people ask my questions for me to those very people...and hear what a great question it was to ask!) 

I even tend to think about the conversations I would have with those said people in that notebook, because I find everyone interesting, even those who are interviewed and have given their life story a million times over. (There will always be something new to uncover that will make them more interesting.)

Sometimes I itch to escape for a day away from life with my camera and a sense of adventure...and when I do it is the biggest rush.

I appreciate life, in all its ugliness, in all its darkest forms, and especially in its beauty.

And especially now, as today is a day to honor those who have fallen to protect the freedoms that allow me to be who I am now....I show appreciation by getting lost in another great movie soundtrack, writing, and breathing in the awesomeness that is my life.

I hope you can too.

Jenn's Appreciation Playlist (with a punk flair!):
1) Life During Wartime - The Talking Heads
2) Careful - Television
3) I'm Your Man - Richard Hell, The Voltoids
4) I Can't Stand It - The Velvet Underground
5) Psychotic Reaction - Take Five
6) All For The Love of Rock n' Roll - Tuff Darts

~ Jenny Rockstar

a one-way ticket to love...

As the wedding draws nearer and nearer, I can't help but just get so excited about the prospect of marrying Matt.

Even before we started on the path to engagement and marriage, it was obvious to pretty much everyone around us that Matt and I were inevitably going to be together forever. And even in the beginning of our relationship, I think I knew (even if I fought that feeling tooth and nail). 

Matt, when we first started hanging out and dating, was a breath of fresh air. After my previous relationship ended, I felt very broken...and unsure of what my future held. I thought that there wasn't anything out there for me. It was lonely, but I forged ahead in life as strong as I could. I was tired of trying to work for a relationship where it felt like I was trying to save the "sinking ship". Matt listened to me talk about my prior relationship, voicing my fears and thoughts as I worked on healing myself. He didn't judge, he didn't push me away, and frankly, it didn't bother him as much if it meant that he got to spend time with me. 

Little by little, Matt chipped away at my defenses that I had so carefully built against letting people in. All I wanted was to just meet someone new and get to know them, nothing super serious or complicated, try a path very different from the one I had originally started on. I kept telling my friends that I was just having fun for once in my life and that I didn't believe anything was going to go further than this...

and I was soooooo wrong. It's a funny thing, the paths that we choose to take. My initial path would have taken me out of NJ, away from everyone I loved and cared about...and I would have been so lonely. Sure, I could make new friends, but it doesn't mean much when you're always arguing with your spouse and indirectly and naively devising new ways to make each other miserable. 

If I had listened to my friends, I would have seen the signs of falling in love sooner. The way I looked forward to our nightly conversations. The sleepovers with takeout and television. The sing-a-longs full of rich harmonies. The cuddling and affection that erased all bad days and made good ones better. The way Matt's eyes found mine in the room...and I could feel everyone else fade away. 

I can't give all the credit to Matt. While yes, all of these things happened while with him and he made me want to be better, I wanted to be better for myself. I worked hard to pursue my life with passion and enthusiasm, to allow the pieces I hid away for so long to come back to the surface. I branched out, met new people as myself and stopped being so concerned about trying to fit it. If I was me and people liked me, that was the greatest reward. 

So in a little over four months, I get to intertwine my path even further with Matt. And continue to live my life for me, but also for him. I'm sure the broken past me can feel confident in knowing that nothing is final....life will always find a way to get better.

Especially when that new path leads to love that changes your life. 

Jenn's "New Path" Playlist:

1) How About You? - Judy Garland
2) Me and My Arrow - Harry Nilsson
3) Smart Girls - Weezer
4) To Be Young - Two Wounded Birds
5) Human Behavior - Bjork 

~Jenny Rockstar

opportunity comes with clarity....

If there's one thing I can say about my job, it's that there is never a shortage of learning new things, especially things that are important life skills in this day and age.

Yesterday, I drafted my first "Last Will and Testament" for a client, as well as a "Living Will" and "Power of Attorney". While the work of typing all of the necessary documents made my fingers feel as though they were going to curl up and fall off, the reward of knowing I did something that I had no prior knowledge of (and did it pretty damn good) made me feel on top of the world. I find that I work best under pressure and when pushed into a new venture.

With all the sadness of this week, it was nice to be pushed into yet another new project. The knowledge of overcoming challenges, whether they're minor or major, can completely change your perspective on life. (Because let's face it, typing over 20 pages worth of documents in 3.5 hours? Yeah, craziness!)

Like with writing, I can feel the balance continuing to push its way into my daily routine. It's true, when you do something you like every day and make sure that you do that, you improve. You find that keeping with the routine creates a stability, an anchor to your soul. 

And with routine, cleaning my home and finding solace in every layer of dirt and grime wiped away, that's what makes my life worth it. Sure, there will be time for adventures, but if you neglect the upkeep of your own life, then what good is it? And I definitely am trying to spend more time keeping my life in the flow. 

I feel alive....moreso than I have felt in a while. I am sure my thoughts will be jumbled and sometimes not make sense, but I don't care. Because in my pursuit of life and knowledge, it makes sense to me. 

And as I lay here in the corner of my couch, with Dave Matthews pouring out through the surround sound and the sweet smells of spring (almost summer) infiltrating our living room, life feels right. It may not always be this way, but I'm going to hold onto these moments like this one for as long as I can....

keeping my life clear and open to all new possibilities. 

Jenn's Cleaning Playlist:

1)  Make It Up As You Go - Plain White T's
2)  Creep - Radiohead
3)  El Scorcho - Weezer
4)  Gold Dust Woman - Fleetwood Mac
5)  Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin

~ Jenny Rockstar

Death is harder on those who are left behind....

Death is inevitable....but you can't plan for it.

And today, it spoke loud and clear of its intentions, as two people who I didn't know (but have heard plenty about through social media), lost their battles to cancer. Even though I heard of them merely in passing, death has always had a profound impact on me. I cry, I mourn in my own way, and today was no different.

The first was a boy who managed to warm the hearts of the cast members of The Walking Dead. His name was Mason and from what I read and watched, he was truly wonderful; you could tell that even in his final hours, the lightness in his heart was still there, never wavering. And while I only knew of him, his passing gave me reason for pause and reflection today.

The second was the wife of a former high school classmate of mine. She too, unfortunately, had lost her fight and within the Facebook post of a promising marriage, I read the heartbreak of a profound loss. I couldn't stop the tears from coming if I wanted to, even as I had to walk away from my desk and take a moment to compose myself. Lindsey, you too will be missed.

Death affects us all, whether we know someone or not, because their influence is left behind. When they pass, a piece of you goes missing that you can never get back. Sure, it will rebuild, but it's never the same. And none of us are safe from this, we'll all eventually have to learn how to rebuild, even if it feels like we'll never recover.  

On my way home, I rolled the windows down again on the drive to take in the beautiful day and when Matt came home today, I did the only thing I could do in a situation like this: I hugged him and I let the tears go. There's no sense in being scared of what will happen in the future. The more important thing is that we take the time to continue appreciating life in the now. Even if tomorrow brought sorrow, today is important. 

Today is where you pursue the impossible. 

Today is when you fight and prove just how strong you are. 

Today is opportunity.

Today is when you love. 

Today is how you justify all you stand for. 

Today is everything.

And in death, today is the day to keep pushing through, no matter how sad it seems. 

Jenn's Pursuit Playlist:

1) This is the New Year - A Great Big World
2) The Boys Are Back in Town - Thin Lizzy
3) You Are The Wilderness - Voxhaul Broadcast
4) Shadowboxer - Fiona Apple

~ Jenny Rockstar

try a little patience....

Sometimes, I wish I could possess the ability to exert more patience.

I try to, as much as possible. In my line of work, patience is necessary, whether it be as a photographer or as a secretary. But even me, someone who endeavors to prove that I can handle anything that life throws at me, in the form of rebellious kids or unruly clients, I get flustered.

Today was no exception, as call after call came in, with no time to breathe or function. I felt the resolve cracking and the urge to unleash the irritation I so carefully hide from my profession make its way into my very existence. In the few moments that I did get to catch my breath, I didn't feel like it was enough to satisfy my balance. 

Before my daily check-in with Matt during lunch, before I was able to unwind with my tomato/avocado salad and homemade iced tea, before I could check-out for thirty minutes of (almost) uninterrupted bliss....I had complete and utter chaos.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job, I love that I'm learning so many new things that I have never done before. But at times, the patience wears thin....

and then I heard about a passing of a young man who lost his fight to cancer. I didn't know him, yet when I read that post that he finally found peace from the pain, that frustration meant nothing. These little meaningless nuisances in my day can't compare to a family who loses their child, their sibling, their loved one. 

I can control my ability to be patient, even when it feels like I'm not in control. But I can't control death. No one can control death, not even the best doctors can play God forever. Mortality does a hell of a number on you when you've pushed it from your mind.

So now, while I have a moment to breathe and enjoy my lunch, before I call Matt and remind him in our 30 seconds of phone conversation that I love him and I hope his day is going well, I choose to exert patience and share my feelings. I forget how important talking about those pesky things are, even when all you want to do is curl into a ball and retreat inside yourself.

I need patience with others....and with myself. I'm still a work in progress and not everything is going to be perfect. My thoughts will be jumbled, I'll make more mistakes than I'll want to admit, and I'll be flawed. But that's okay, as long as right now, I make a conscientious effort to remind myself that patience is a virtue....one I am willing to work on.

Jenn's Patience Playlist:

1) Sullen Girl - Fiona Apple
2) Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell
3) Walking Away - Craig David
4) Our House - Madness

~Jenny Rockstar 

The Strength of a Rockstar....

Sometimes, when I think about my mother, I become conflicted.

Everyone has a mother, yet I don't care to acknowledge mine. Some may see that as me being a horrible person, but I see it as being a person who was scarred again and again...and not wanting to take it anymore.

My mom wasn't always this way. At one point she helped me fight my battles, kissed my boo-boos, and gave me the love that I had craved as a child. But every once in a while, I caught a glimpse of a woman that simmered beneath the surface, who allowed her dark side to come out and rear its ugly head to her own children.

I tried my best to please her. When she asked for something and I delivered, I barely got an acknowledgement of any "good job" that I might have done. Yet, when I couldn't complete something (chalk it up to being a child), I'd get the coldest shoulder. I'd be made to feel like I was worth nothing. And for those who understand how it feels when a parent makes you feel like nothing, it's the worst feeling one can even imagine.

My mother was never physical, merely a slave to the words that she would spit at me from time to time. Useless being the top contender. I'm surprised that with all the times she would call me that, I still have a big heart and a need to share my love with others. I have to thank my father for always wiping away the tears and reminding me that I wasn't useless, I was priceless. 

It wasn't until college that I learned she suffered from bipolar disorder. For so many years she had gone undiagnosed....and it was scary....you know, scary is an understatement. I don't think there's a word to describe the fear that I had of my own parent. She was unpredictable and unaware of the damage she had done. Breaking up our family, destroying my brother's promising career in the Air Force, and trying to destroy whatever sense of happiness I may have had while I tried to thrive in college. It was never enough for her being miserable, everyone else needed to suffer with her. 

After my sophomore year of college ended, rock bottom was reached. Earlier in that year, I had told her to leave me alone. I could not take her continually pushing me to the point of tears, making me feel inadequate because I was trying to make something of myself at college and she was mourning the loss of everything she never had. I couldn't call her enough, I couldn't do enough for her, and in turn I took the brunt of her pain. I cried myself to sleep quite a few nights, knowing that I couldn't be more than myself. Luckily, I had some amazing friends who helped me pick up the pieces when I tried to retreat into myself. 

But in her trying to "respect" my wishes, the mail never ceased, the phone calls came attached with "dire emergency" stipulations (that she put herself into), and even having to answer questions so cruel and painful to someone else that I can't even say them aloud without crying. My mother had found yet another way to try and break me....and she almost succeeded.

I was tired of trying. Tired of giving her the satisfaction that she could do whatever she wanted to me. And very few of my friends understood that. I had to "honor" and "forgive" my mother for all her shortcomings, for every hurtful thing she threw at me. Tell me, how do you forgive someone who forces you to have to attend therapy? How do you forgive someone who tells such horrible lies about your family in an effort to selfishly better themself? How do you forgive a person who you're supposed to trust and love because they brought you into the world, when all they consider you to be when you don't deliver what they want....is useless?

And even years later, after all of that, I tried to make my peace with her, thinking she had changed....and yet again finding myself let down.

I'm grateful that I had mother figures in my life, because they have proven to me that I didn't need a mother to make it through. I just needed guidance from time to time. And where my mother couldn't be there, I had the best dad a girl could ask for. 

And still, after all these years, I forgive my mother....but I won't forget. It's my time to live and get married and start my own family. I can't be living in my past anymore and I refuse to try making sense of it all. Matt deserves better, I deserve better. 

I've written letters I will never send, imagined memories that will never happen, and I'm ok with how my life turned out. Matt sees me as strong, sometimes I'm not sure that I am as strong as he believes. But if he thinks I am, then I'll do my damnedest to prove that he's right. Not just for him, but for me. 

I am more than my darkness. 

It's time I shed some light.

~Jenny Rockstar

appreciation....it's not just a one-time thing....

I'm a victim of a stressful job.

I think we all are at times....and especially this week, I feel like I am ready for it all to be done and for the weekend to start. It's not that I don't like my job. It's just at times, it tests me and pushes me beyond limits that I am comfortable with. Or more like the individuals that call in and deal with push me.

But with today, just like any other day, I work hard in doing one simple thing when life stresses you out....I appreciate the simple things.

How differently would my day have been without the nice gentleman who held the door open for me (when in his condition, I should have been the one holding it for him)?

Or the polite phone calls with the "how are you doing today?" and "have a great day" attached to their meaning?

What about the idle chit-chat with the teller at the bank when I had to make a deposit for work? 

Or the sweet smell to the air as I drove to and from work, lulled by my favorite radio station starting my morning off with Journey, ending it with The Beatles?

In those daily moments of stress, the details become imperative. Those moments of sheet simplicity where you can't help but stop and smile at their minor interjection, then their fade into the background. 

Even now, as I sit outside with my laptop, determined to enjoy a beautiful ending to a glorious May evening, I feel grateful that amid the chaos, I find the solace. I may even add a glass of red wine and a slice of cheesecake to assist in mulling over this glorious day. 

It's in the breeze rustling the trees, my iPod playing another one of my favorite songs, the birds chirping in synchronicity. It's in everything around me that sometimes I forget exists....

but on a day like today, I choose to listen and give thanks that I can enjoy these moments. 

Jenn's Appreciation Playlist:

1) Thank You - Led Zeppelin
2) Brand New Key - Melanie
3) Magical Mystery Tour - The Beatles
4) Me and Julio - Simon & Garfunkel
5) Don't Stop Believing - Journey
6) I'll Be Waiting - Lenny Kravitz
7) Gold On The Ceiling - The Black Keys
8) Air - Ben Folds Five

~Jenny Rockstar 

a lesson in perception....

I know I talk about him a lot but I can't help it.....

I love watching Matt perform.

There's something about watching him pick up his guitar or get behind a keyboard, and sing. He always has this little smile on his face, one that seems to be reserved for doing the thing that he loves the most. 

Tonight, as I watched him strumming a possible new song for yet another one of his music projects, I spent a moment just appreciating the moment. Determined, ambitious, and just completely in his element. 

For all the times that Matt works on a project, I sometimes feel like when I watch him play, it's for the first time all over again....and I fall in love all over again. His smile, his warmth, his way of just making you feel included. Those are only a few of the several reasons I love him. And especially tonight, watching him immerse himself in what he loves as much as me, I appreciate him more. 

I appreciate everything  he embodies, and I can't help but feel grateful that this man is going to be my husband. A man that when we initially started dating, I deluded myself into thinking that it wouldn't go anywhere, that it was just a chance to enjoy life and nothing more. How wrong I was to believe that, as Matt tore down every last defense I had, like it was nothing. With his smile, with his hugs and kisses, with his intelligent conversation, with his cooking, with his cuddles, with his laughter, with his sing-a-longs, and most importantly....with his love.

There are so many things I could say about Matt. Yet for now, I look over at him practicing another song and I can't help but feel grateful that he's the one I get to be with for the rest of my life.

Sometimes, it's just nice to watch and appreciate. 

~Jenny Rockstar

Blurring the lines of dichotomy....

Nowadays, I'm convinced that the notion of Good vs. Evil is not, nor will it ever be, as clear-cut as many of us think. Unless, you know, you count those shows they air on TruTV....some of those people are absolutely nuts.

But after mulling everything over today, I am reminded of how I have always tried to see the good in people, even in those who have proven to have a dark side. Call it crazy, call it naive, but I believe that in each of us, there is light...just as there is darkness. And in those who feel comfortable in the darkness, I am intrigued to learn even more about them. 

I refuse to let my past dictate how I feel about it. I've been burned and my scars run deeper than I show anyone, a rough childhood that gave way to some even rougher adulthood decisions. Yet here I stand, as strong and tall as one can be in the face of adversity....although I'm sure anyone who knows me now (and knows nothing of my past) would not correlate parts of my past with my present. 

But that was then and this is now....and I can't let the darkness dim my world. Instead, I make it a point to share my light with others. It's important to remember that even in the worst people, there are qualities that are inherently good as well. (And that even some of the best people have an ugliness to their soul.)

I can't lose faith in humanity and somehow, I feel I have forgotten that as of late, as I juggle work, wedding plans, family, trying to spend as much time with Matt as physically possible, finding time for friends, finding time for me, and anything that makes me feel "balanced" internally. I've lost my need to seek out that light and darkness, to understand life and the importance of learning anything and everything I can.  

I think now I've found my personal project for this year: to seek out the good in all walks of life....and to write about those moments. I'm tired of feeling bogged down by the negatives and allowing them to fill me with anger and frustration...like today. I'm better than this, because that dark path is not meant for me in the long-run. Sure, there will be times I walk down that path, but staying on that path for the rest of my life? Never.  

I'm not really a church-goer (anymore), nor am I an atheist. I merely believe in being a good person and surrounding myself with as many different types of individuals as I can. Keeps life interesting, as well as brings a new level of knowledge in my social life. (I can't help but be fascinated what my friends contribute to our life discussions.)

There's beauty in us all. There's meaning in that balance. And I, for one, want to try to make some sense of it. Otherwise, if I don't try to understand, am I really living? 

~ Jenny Rockstar

On the path to life discovery....

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of spending some quality time with family. It's not always simple to just get together and hang out with them, but when we do get together, I always feel a strange sense of calm. Watching my cousins with their spouses and beautiful children, laughing and sharing stories that as an adult, I can now laugh and appreciate with them. 

I feel blessed to have been raised by the family that I have, each and every one of them leaving their imprint on my life. And even now, as Matt and I make our plans to bring our families together, I still feel blessed. 

Looking back on how my life has gone, I don't think I would change anything about it. Because if I did, where would I be? Would Matt and I have come together? Would I be happy? All I can do is focus on making my life what I want it to be now, rather than focus on all of the things that I could have done differently. 

For now, I'm itching to start a new project. One that I intend to finish, something to keep my mind calm and my heart open to all possibilities. I'm thinking a writing project is in order, yet I'm not sure as to what I can write about. So many thoughts and yet not enough time to organize all of those thoughts rattling around in my head. 

Maybe it's time I opened up to writing poetry again, really worked on a craft that used to just come so naturally to me, that each stanza felt like taking a deep breath. My words help to define me, I live by them and within them. How could I forget that when all else failed, aside from music, writing gave me the solace that I longed for. I could figure myself out in the careful deliberation over the delivery of a metaphor. 

For now, I'm going to take each day at a time getting myself back to that place....a little "life discovery" of sorts. Whatever it takes, I'm open to everything.  

Jenn's Life Discovery Soundtrack

1) Free Bird - Lynyrd Skynyrd
2) Crazy Train - Black Sabbath
3) Rockstar - A Great Big World
4) Fever - Black Keys
5) Body and Soul - Billie Holliday

~ Jenny Rockstar

Simplicity....

Sometimes, I tend to forget that while it's important to be helpful and be there for others, spending time on yourself is just as important.

The past few weeks have been nothing short of stressful, with more work than I know what to do with and a wedding to focus on. One good thing that has come out of this is Matt and I trying to spend as much time as possible focusing on the good of our relationship.......

and my need to immerse myself in new music and a new attitude.

So I have made time for me. Made time to clean my house and clear my head of all the "clutter" that's in there. I have made time to put on my headphones and zone out, or plug in my iPod to the surround sound while I clean and dance my way through the day.

I have brewed homemade iced green tea and baked to my heart's content. 

I have found the urge to write poetry again. 

I have just found myself again....as I always do when I need the clarity of life to come my way.

I have cuddled and laughed and shared my endearing sentiments....and in this my heart has felt at peace.

I've even planned a little fun for myself this summer with good friends and a sense of adventure to geek out a little bit at Philadelphia Comic Con.

I have found solace in simplicity....and that in itself is the adventure. Adventures don't need to be grand and lavish, they just need to make you feel like you're learning more about yourself and the kind of person you aspire to be.

And for that, a little mini-playlist of what's been in constant play on my list:

1) Emily Kinney - Just Pretend
2) Passenger - Scare Away The Dark
3) The Pixies - Here Comes Your Man
4) Weezer - Beverly Hills
5) Radiohead - Let Down
6) A Great Big World - Rockstar

~ Jenny Rockstar