Lately, I've been finding myself searching for perspective.
With wedding plans underway, working as much as I possibly can (and still continuing to find more work to do to keep busy), and attempting to squeeze in as much fun and job as I can, I realize that maybe I'm going about life the wrong way.
While I do love to work hard, I'm in dire need of a break from everything. A break from life. Sure, I find that break in moments like cleaning my house and drawing a nice, hot bubble bath, but maybe a few days couldn't hurt. A chance to recharge and regroup.
Because lately, I've felt I don't have control of my life. And that's a tough pill to swallow. I need a chance to breathe for a few days. A chance to wake up and not have responsibility or worry. A chance to spend some time with Matt that doesn't require a serious discussion (even though we do still have lots of fun ones as well!)
Just a chance to get myself back onto level ground before I attempt to keep pushing myself.
I know this stress won't last forever and in time, things will ease up and be better. But for now, I'm just finding it difficult to see the silver lining.
Maybe in the interim, I should write more. Not for others, but for me. I feel like I've lost that integral part of who I am, that ability to sit and pour my heart out into a notebook...or a laptop.
I need to stop saying I am going to write and just write. Otherwise, what else do I have to look forward to?
Well, of course the wedding, but for me....what's in this life for me?
Guess I need to start figuring that out.