Conversation with my 16 year-old self..........

Last week, as I was going through my Facebook feed, I took notice to a post that my friend Jina posted from John Mayer's blog. When I clicked on it, he discussed the things he would tell his younger self if he had the chance to do so.


Now, while I know that I need to live my life with no regrets and that I can't change what has happened, only how I look at it, if I ever had the chance to talk to a 16 year-old version of myself, I'd have plenty to say!


I spend so much time making music and celeb lists for fun, but I wanted to make a list of things I'd say to my younger self if I ever had the chance to talk to her:


1) What upsets you now will be NOTHING compared to the trials ahead. Dances, school papers, having a date on a Saturday night.......it's not as important as when you graduate from college and make it out into the real world. Having difficulty in choosing what outfit to wear when hanging out with friends will be a blip on the radar next to a job, paying bills, and taking care of yourself. And what happens when you have to worry about car expenses, how much toilet paper you have left, or whether or not you can afford certain necessities at the grocery store? The real world will be brutal and life will kick you in the ass, so just understand that the little trivial moments right now will hold no bearing on what lies ahead.


2) Love exists, even if it doesn't feel like it will be happening anytime soon. When you eventually date, there will be pain and heartache and it will feel like it's the end of the world. But it's not. The pain is merely a reminder that you have a heart and that you are feeling emotion.......even when you wish the pain would go away. Sometimes love fades and you have to make the hardest decisions when choosing what is right for you, but it's worth it in the end. Believe me, having your heart broken two months before your wedding really puts life into perspective.......and once you're ready, there will be someone who helps you forget what this felt like.


3) Popularity will become irrelevant with age. When you're younger, having as many friends as possible is looked at as a good thing, but not always. What's more imperative is that you find people who understand and like you for who you are, not what you own or what your parents make. It is better to count your best friends on one hand rather than just have a list of casual acquaintances.


4) Yes, there are still people who will act like they're still in high school. While many think that high school is over the second you receive your diploma, this is not always the case. Some will still re-live those days as though they were the most important moments in their life, even if it's only a stepping stone to what's really to come. You don't need those people in your life; their drama means nothing in your own goals and dreams.


5) Don't be afraid to branch out. When you get out in the real world, the only way to meet new and interesting people is to get outside of your box every now and then. 


Rock that Talent Show in some sexy attire.
Participate in Wiccan rituals to learn more about different cultures & religions.
Find solace in a moonlight walk.
Drink underage at a dive bar with your friends. 
Go to a few band afterparties and let go for a while.


Just don't stop living! You need something to tell your grandchildren when they ask you for wild & crazy stories of your life.


6) Things will blow over. No matter how many arguments or hardships come your way, it can always be worse than what it is. Give things time......everything will smooth over with some time and distance. Don't beat yourself up over a friendship that fades or a relationship that ends. It all happens for good reason and with the healing, everything will get better. Death is the only permanent in life.


7) Drama is stupid. Just know this, for you will encounter plenty of it! Many will try to drag you into their drama or involve you in things that will stress you beyond belief! But drama is something that is best left for the stage. 


8) There is someone out there who will love you for who you are and who you want to be. Granted, there will be plenty of people who come through and offer the same, but what I mean is the person who you eventually end up with. They're out there, getting to you as fast as they can. You may find people who can temporarily fill that void, but to be with a person who loves the you that you want to be.......there's nothing more that one can ask for! 


Someone who loves you when you're happy, sad, or in between.
Someone who handles your crazy when you try to regain sanity.
Someone who treats you with kindness and love, even when you feel you don't deserve it.
Someone who gives you the support in anything you want to do with your life, despite their own reservations about your dream.
Someone who notices those little quirks about you and loves them.
Someone who no matter what happens, wants nothing but your happiness in life, because that's what truly matters in life.  


9) Never lose sight of your dreams. When you're young, you think that the world will just give you all the things you want, but that's never the case. The world is sometimes cold and cruel, never bending to the way you hope it will. But while you get beaten down, never lose that hope that you're going to make it, because you eventually will. It may take more time than you thought and your path may have a few detours, but everything happens in their own time. 


10) Realize that the most important part of life is to never stop learning and growing. You don't need to be in school to keep expanding your knowledge.......you can discover new things without the use of a book or a classroom.


11) The whole world is not out to get you. While it may be difficult to give some people a chance, do try. Not everyone has malicious intentions with how they act towards you. That's not to say that everyone is with you (because there are douchebags who thrive on watching you suffer), but that even when you don't agree with how people act it doesn't mean that they don't do it without the best of intentions. 


12) Don't always settle for the status quo. If you compromise yourself then you have let yourself down. Keep reaching for what you believe is right, because sometimes, you'll win.


13) Life happens for a reason. You won't know why some people walk out of your life while others walk in. You won't understand why you don't get the opportunities that you deem are the most important ones to take. All you can do is take life in stride and know that when one thing doesn't go right, it only means that something better is on the horizon. 


14) Keep in touch with your family. They are the people who know you better than most. While you may feel that they can be unfair and out to get you, I promise that their intentions are nothing but honorable......even if you can't see that until you're older. 


15) Above all else, make sure to take care of yourself, because in the end, you are all you've got. Sure, there are people who love you and are there to support you, but at the end of the day, you're with yourself. People can come and go, but you remain. So be sure to not beat yourself up too much, but do keep that inner critic to keep you motivated!


16) Ultimately, the key to life is just to be happy (and don't be afraid to share that happiness!) As long as you can do that, you've figured out the most important lesson of all.


~Jenny Rockstar

this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship........

Relationships.

Such a beneficial part of life. You can't live without creating relationships with the people around you. To me, there are so many different kinds of relationships that people can have in their life. 

Some are romantic. 

Some are familial. 

Some are friendly. 

Some are business. 

Some are villainous. 

Some have no rhyme or reason......they just are.

But most importantly, in each relationship, something beautiful and/or beneficial comes out of it. And as I spent this past weekend (and many others) amongst several friends old and new, I thought about just how grateful I am to have some form of a relationship with all of them......which then led me to write this top ten list of my favorite relationships!

1) John Lennon & Paul McCartney:  As a seasoned Beatles fan, it should come as no surprise as to why this one is first on my list! I mean, let's face it: some of the greatest songs EVER came from this team alone! Eleanor Rigby? Mind-blowing. In My Life? A classic amongst college graduates. Love Me Do? Only their first big hit! While Ringo Starr and George Harrison also contributed a few precious gems of musical genius (Octopus' Garden/Something), Lennon and McCartney created the Beatles magic with hit after hit! 

2) Willow Rosenberg & Xander Harris: When I first started watched the TV show Buffy The Vampire Slayer, I remember the first glimpse into the friendship of Willow &  Xander.......and all I had kept wanting is to see them together. You watched Willow pine for her best friend, while he pined for Buffy. Sometimes it broke my heart watching Willow get hurt time and time again by Xander (even though I still secretly rooted for them!) Their relationship throughout the show may have changed drastically, even when they gained their own relationships and eventually damaged those relationships with their very own lip-lock moment. But despite the odds, they have always remained close to one another, especially when Willow was grieving Tara's death and planning to end the world......Xander was there to be with her in the end. 

3) Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel: Their music is the soundtrack to my life. Ever since I could remember, I have heard Simon & Garfunkel blast over the radio waves during various car trips, many a night in the local bar, and now on my iPod whenever I've managed to venture to the beach in the calmness of morning. Whether it be singing the chorus to "I Am A Rock" in the car with Matt or sharing the inside joke with my family about "Me & Julio Down By The Schoolyard," their collaborations remind me of those times in my life that I cherish the most. 

4) Finn Hudson & Rachel Berry: This has to be one of the newer relationships on this list, but I'm still very fascinated by it. Two people who obviously want one another, yet always seem to miss the mark when it comes to dating. First it was Finn being with Quinn that got in the way. And when Quinn was gone, Finn kinda screwed it up by breaking Rachel's heart when she thought they were dating. Then came Jesse St. James, along with Finn getting his v-card punched by Santana. And now? We don't even know what the next season of Glee will bring, despite the fact that we saw them finally cuddling up to each other in the season finale. I can't wait to find out how their love story continues!  

5) Sir Elton John & Bernie Taupin: For anyone not aware of this team, let me break it down for you.......without Bernie Taupin, Elton would NOT have had some of his greatest hits! Their collaborations created such classics as Your Song, Tiny Dancer, Rocket Man, I'm Still Standing, and Candle in the Wind (BOTH versions).......just to name a few! Both have worked with other collaborators, yet Elton's sound is mainly due to this team........30 albums worth.

6) Scarlett O'Hara & Rhett Butler: She hates him. He loves her. She's in love with a man she cannot have. He pursues her and gets her to marry him. She warms up to him a little, but not without resistance. Death of their daughter causes him to push her away. Passion ensues, but her rage and longing for the other man destroys them. She realizes while talking to the other man she loves him, but it is too late. He walks out on her. She is heartbroken, but convinces herself that she can win him back.......and she will. The dynamic of Scarlett and Rhett is fueled with such passion and drive that it is hard not to see how much love and compatibility truly exists between these characters. Scarlett originally starts off in love with Ashley, even while he is betrothed to Melanie. I love that even though she doesn't realize it, Rhett gets Scarlett better than she realizes.......and that scares her just a little. 

7) Paula Abdul & Simon Cowell: Ah, for any American Idol fan, this has to be the best pair on that show! I was beyond sad when Paula wasn't coming back for this past season's run of the show, because their dynamic is what made the whole show worthwhile! Sure, you have some great talent from across the country, but that's besides the point. Talent will always be coming and going on that stage, however, the playful banter of Paula & Simon always made me smile! Paula would give some sort of spaced-out comment and Simon would always make some sort of funny quip about it. Their banter is what made the chemistry of the show work the best. Not just the talent, but the way both of them always seemed to ruffle each other's feathers. 

8) Mick Jagger & Keith Richards: Although I'm not that big of a Rolling Stones fan, I would be remiss if I didn't mention this team. Let's just leave it at: they ROCK!

9) Brian Wilson & Tony Asher: While this team was limited to only one album, Pet Sounds, Wilson & Asher took the Beach Boys and their sound to a whole new level on this album. After many hits about surfing and girls graced the Beach Boys repertoire, Brian Wilson wanted to take Pet Sounds in a bit of a different direction. Enter Tony Asher, who tried to be the translator of Brian Wilson's genius, into this particular album. 

10) Clark Kent & Lex Luthor: After watching Smallville, I really came to enjoy the idea of how Superman and Lex Luthor came to hate one another. You find out that at first, they were friends.......and pretty good friends at that. Then came Lex's obsession with learning how he survived a car crash that should've killed him........and his descent into darkness. It's not like he didn't try to avoid the inevitability that he could become his father. Unfortunately, the need to know secrets destroyed any chance of their friendship developing even further, giving way to the enemy status. Just like Lex said on the show, their friendship would be the "stuff of legends"..........and he was right.


~Jenny Rockstar

Daddy's Little Girl has something to say......and sing about!

I figured in honor of Father's Day, I'd take a chance to talk about someone very important in my life: my dad. I'll admit, we haven't always seen eye to eye and I know for a while we didn't talk, but that doesn't mean that my father is any less important to me. While my mom was dealing with a lot of mental health issues, I could always rely on my dad to be there when I needed him. Even when I was little and he was always busy with being involved in local politics, he would make the time to be there in my life. I thought he was invincible, that nothing could harm him no matter what happened. 

I remember going with him to work when he needed to go in on a Saturday for a few hours. He'd always get me a hot chocolate (and on occasion a strawberry frosted donut) for breakfast and while he finished up what he needed to do, his co-workers would show me magic tricks or tell me stories. 

I remember my brother's football games and cheering as loud as I could while he explained the logistics of the sport to me. 

He also never missed any of the football games when I was a cheerleader.

I remember all the piano & dance recitals, concerts, softball games, and poetry readings that he made a point to attend, sitting there in the audience as proud as can be.

Back to School Night......he was there to talk with my teachers.

When I had my breakdown my freshman year of high school, he was there with my mom to make sure I got the help I needed.

My first day of college, he was there to help me bring up my stuff and move in.......even coming back at the end of the semester to help me move out.

Even on the day he got re-married, he saved me a dance.

And on Sunday, despite the fact that I'm 26 years old and an adult, he still calls me by the same nickname he gave me when I was a little girl.

So while we've had our differences, I must admit that I have one awesome dad. Whenever I've needed him there, he's been there, through thick and thin. These songs I want to share with you are not exactly all parental-related, but just songs that whenever I hear them, I'm taken back to a special moment I shared with my dad. And so in honor of my dad, here's my list of songs that remind me of him:

1) Baba O'Reilly by The Who: Upon our various road trips to Myrtle Beach, SC during the summer, my dad always brought along two albums....one of them being Who's Next. He was always into rock music and made a note of bringing along his favorite tunes for the drive. A few times we would change up the words to this song to say "sauce pan wasteland"......just to joke about my mom's cooking. Yet every time I hear this, I still think of those road trips and smile.

2) Prelude/Angry Young Man by Billy Joel: Another road trip staple, the familiar piano licks in the beginning of this number always take me back to sitting in traffic on the way to Myrtle Beach. And even now, when I hear those familiar notes, I still get the same goosebumps that I got when I was seven years old. 

3) Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle: At first, I HATED this song! Well, hate is a very strong word indeed.....let's go with it grated on me. My dad was all about this song though. He loved the way that it went through the stages of a girl's life through the eyes of her father and how even when she was ready to get married, they would still share the same traditions they did when she was little. I know my father always loved that part and laughed a little when I would cringe at this song. I felt (and still feel) that is particularly cheesy and slightly indulgent, but it brings a smile to my face knowing just how important this one is to my father.

4) Lady in Red by Chris DeBurgh: A little out of sorts, yes. But put into a particular context, one would know why this one makes the list. When my father was getting re-married, my stepmom wanted to make sure her bridesmaids were dressed in her favorite color: RED. And so, after careful searching and deliberation, she chose these beautiful floor-length red dresses with flower beading along the strap. They were perfect in every way and I couldn't wait to wear it! The night of the reception, when this song came on, despite the fact that red is not my signature color, my dad walked up to my table and told me that he saved this dance for the lady in red.........the memory still brings a tear of happiness every now and then.

5) Funeral for a Friend by Elton John: While I may be the music junkie, my dad has been a HUGE influence in some of the music that I listen to today. A lot of classic rock, he has always shared his favorite musical gems with me, hoping that I would keep listening to music that he could enjoy with me. And when I was coming out of my boy-band phase, this was one of the songs that he hoped I'd listen to. Even now, he still does not disappoint with the music suggestions........although I could definitely teach him a thing or two now! 

6) Black Balloon by Goo Goo Dolls: I know, a very random song choice......and not exactly the most positive of meanings. Yet almost every time I'd get into my dad's car when this song came out......it would always be on. So only fitting I add this song here. 

7) Tommy Soundtrack by The Who: Around the time I was ten or so, The Who's Tommy came out on Broadway......and my dad made it a point to make sure that we were there to see it! I can remember sitting in the 10th row with my brother next to me, thinking that I was going to be bored out of my mind with whatever we were seeing. I was more into Cats, Phantom of the Opera, anything that seemed more theatrical than rock-ish. Seeing this show definitely made me change my mind about rock music in general, as the moment the music started, I nearly jumped out of my seat at how loud it was.......definitely something my father would want to see. I didn't even need to see his face to know he was enjoying himself to the fullest at the show.

8) If I Had A $1,000,000 by the Barenaked Ladies: Whenever my dad and I would hear this song on WPLJ, it always spawned a lot of laughter, a little bit of a sing-a-long, and some bonding over a band that I never thought both of us would really like. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think the Barenaked Ladies are quite talented, but their style was something I never imagined myself really getting into at all! So when this song would come on, my dad and I would smile at one another as he proceeded to turn the volume up and we sang ALL the words! 

***************************************************

Even at 26, I'm still going to be that little girl to my father......and that's ok.

Because he's been there through it all, seen more than I know about, and has never ceased to remind me how proud he is of who I've become. 

I hope that I don't let him down.

~Jenny Rockstar

defined by the antonym........

Compromise.

It's something that I try to not do a lot of, despite the fact that I find myself giving in more times than not to what other people think I should be doing with my life. Every day, I find that my choices are a constant compromise, whether it be to do what my friends would like to do, eat what my boyfriend wants to eat, even give up control of the remote to keep others happy. Day after day, I find that the word compromise, while rough for me to accept, has become part of my daily routine.

Now I know there's nothing wrong with it, yet I can't help but feel that a couple days ago, the idea of compromise finally hit that wall in my life.......into the one place I don't want it to go.........my dreams. In today's day and age, it's hard to find jobs that allow me the opportunity to pursue my dreams. What can I say? I love to write! And for writers, a job is something that is few and far between. So instead, I do school photography when the season is in full swing to make up for the lack of completion in my dreams. Because frankly, all I want to do is capture what's going on around me. While photography allows me to do that in an image form.......the idea of getting to explain in words the daily ins and outs of my life......that's what fascinates me more! A picture can sum it up, but words present the bigger challenge. 

I've always known that I've wanted to be a writer......well, not entirely true. When I was about five I wanted to be a nurse. Of course, after having the opportunity to participate in more writing exercises in school, I found myself more fascinated with writing. I started begging my parents to get me notebooks. I would fill the pages with ideas for stories and poems that were rattling around in my head. Silly little things, like mysteries and alternate endings to some of my favorite stories; concepts that came from my own imagination. I could create characters that were funny, others that were serious, some that were evil (with a touch of humanity), anything that I wanted them to be. By middle school, I was filling the pages with plays and plots. And while I may not have been a gifted playwright, I didn't care. 

I wrote for myself and no one else. 

I wrote because it gave me the opportunity to escape into a world that was all mine.

I wrote just because if I didn't, I felt like my heart and mind would burst without releasing all that creative energy that flowed throughout me.

High School allowed me the opportunity to pursue more poetry.....and I LOVED it! Where daily prose was becoming more mundane, the ideas of verses and stanzas fascinated me in a way it never had before I became a freshman. I fell in love with all the classics: Shakespeare, Robert Browning, Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost. Their words were simple in meaning, yet legendary in their impact. I never went anywhere without my trusty notebook secured in my messenger bag........lines slowly forming in my head as I encountered everyday life. I couldn't help myself, I was in love with writing.......a love affair that has lasted even until now. By the time college arrived, my perspective on poetry changed as I returned to prose.

Creative Writing was something that I had wanted to pursue in college, yet was encouraged to not make a life-long career out of it. Instead, I changed over to journalism, which shaped my writing style in a way that I still use to this day. The notion of capturing a story and writing it in a way to interest others became my goal. I could be creative within the confines of reason, give my writing an outlet to become more realistic and tangible. I felt whole whenever I had the opportunity to share my work with others, because I knew that what I was writing was important to me. I knew that people were listening to my voice and liking what they heard. 

Then, between 2005-2007.........I lost my voice. Where I had been so eager to share my life, I found more opposition than praise for my words. The worst thing one could do is to silence the voice in their heart, even when people don't like what you write. I felt alone, confused, and struggled to find the words in my soul to fill the pages. Anything I wrote during that time was confining, fake, and sometimes meaningless to me. I tried to make myself believe anything I placed onto paper or in word documents, seeking that passion I had had for so long. In December 2007, I took a hiatus from writing anything for about a month.......because I needed to figure out who I was. I had spent so much time in those past two years confining to the standards of others that I had forgotten what it meant to write for myself. To bleed my soul into my entries the way I used to when I would write in a diary. 

As 2008 began and the new year came into view, I renewed my love of writing. Slowly, I began writing about anything that would pop into my mind, anything at all. Whether it be frustration over my life, or contemplation of a song that I was enjoying at that moment. Sometimes I shared things about myself that I had told nobody about and in turn, I found new readers sharing their own secrets with me. I made connections with a new audience, one that urged me to keep writing and to keep bestowing my advice about life and lessons learned to them. 

These past two years have brought me back to who I want to be: the writer. While I have done photography as well, I have found more solace with my head buried in a notebook, my pen furiously scribbling away thoughts and ideas I want to share........even my trusty laptop has taken the brunt of my creative juices. So now, while I feel that compromising my dreams of being a well-known writer are trying to push their way through.......I REFUSE to let that happen. Because the journey I've had with writing has been one that has been more exhilarating than any roller-coaster ride I've experienced, more stressful than any test I've studied for, and more rewarding than any job I've had up until now. 

Because I know that writing is more than just a job for me.......it's my career path. It's what I want to be doing with my life. I could wake up in the morning and have words to write until I go to bed. The mere idea of getting to write for the rest of my life consumes every part of me and I cannot help but feel grateful that while it may be hard for me to get there, I'm going to do what I need to do to make my writing something more than just a hobby..........I'm going to dedicate my life to it.

~Jenny Rockstar

Indulging musically......

Aside from the music that seems to be mainstream/popular, we always have those songs/albums that we consider our "guilty pleasures." It's the type of music that would not be expected, yet you are consumed by it. You (sometimes) own more than one album. You've tried (or thought about trying) at least a few times to see a concert (even though you sometimes try to avoid admitting it out of embarrassment.) And while nobody understands it, you can't seem to stop playing that one song or album for hours, days, weeks, sometimes months. You love it so much that it doesn't matter that people may think you are weird for liking what you do........but you dig it and that's all that matters.

1) The Monkees - Headquarters Album: When I reached my senior year of high school, I got into a HUGE Monkees craze! Part of it could be the reason that I watched the VH1 movie-documentary about their rise and fall. Part of it could be how Fox put on old Monkees episodes, while AMC was hell-bent on showing their movie flop, Head. Or maybe, just maybe, it was a combination of all of it. But whatever the case may be, I was HOOKED! And in my natural fashion, I set out to learn everything and anything I could about the band, which brought me to purchasing this particular album. While it was their third album, its significance is big. It was the first Monkees album where they had creative control of what songs were chosen. They could write their own music, play their own instruments, and sing on their album. Prior to that, they had very little control over the song choices. Peter Tork and Michael Nesmith were featured very little, if at all, on their albums. It may have been the eventual downfall of the band, but this gem has always been one of my favorites to listen to whenever I just need a throw-back.

2) Hanson - Middle of Nowhere Album: From the three blonde-haired musical prodigies from Tulsa, Oklahoma came this little gem. The thing is, I can remember the craze over "Mmmbop" when it came out, then the immediate backlash from any person who either had a penis or a sense that this band was considered cheesy teen-pop music. While yes, the songs are simple and sometimes a little 'over the top', consider that the three brothers Zac, Taylor, and Isaac Hanson had been creating music for a few years before they hit the mainstream circuit. This was not their first album, and even though their fame fizzled out quite a bit before they released their future albums, I commend them on continuing to write and perform music for the masses. The whole idea of mainstream did not corrupt their own goals in life, nor did it hinder their ability. If I didn't consider them to be quite awesome, I wouldn't own at least three of their albums, two imports, a handful of posters, a t-shirt, and have concert tickets from three different shows.

3) 98 Degrees - ANY of their music: Granted, I got into a HUGE boy-band craze as I went into high school. If you look at the one above this one, you would know that. But while it took me a longer time to truly get into music like Backstreet Boys and *NSync, I was ALWAYS a fan of 98 Degrees! From the premiere of "Invisible Man" to their last album Revelation, I always made an effort to keep in the know for this band. I tried several times to win concert tickets......which never seemed to pan out. Fortunately, I DID have the chance to see them at the Beacon Theater during either my sophomore or junior year of high school......the year eludes me now. Fast forward over 10 years later, I have been known to search through my iPod and select their album as a means of evading boredom. And sometimes, you still catch me lip-syncing all the words to every song. 

4) Glee - pretty much any song I've downloaded: As I stated in one of my previous blogs, this show took me a LONG time to get into. About halfway through this season, when the Madonna episode aired, I finally caved and started to spend my Tuesday nights watching the ins & outs of the relationships and scandals that the Glee kids faced on a weekly basis. But even before that, I was digging the music. On the premiere episode that was aired about a year ago, I caught the tail-end of the show......the part where Finn & Rachel were singing "Don't Stop Believin'". Intrigued, I continued to listen to the previously-recorded performance.....and knew that I HAD to have that song on my iPod. As I tried to avoid watching episodes, I then managed to watch the "Mattress" episode, where I heard them perform the song "Jump." It was all downhill from there. Now, over 25 downloads and one DVD set later, I can't help but break out into song anytime I hear a Glee version of a song.....or the original song that they covered. 

5) Tim Myers - The Good Life: I don't remember how I came across this musical gem, but I know that whether it be through my iTunes or my iPod, this song has been played possibly a hundred times or so since I purchased it. The words are uplifting, the beat is uplifting, and put together, it makes for one of the most positive songs I've heard in a while. Whenever I hear that beginning piano beat, the idea to get up and dance along becomes almost a necessity. While the meaning is as simple as it can be, it's an important one nonetheless: the idea that sometimes, getting away to better things is a necessity to keep life balanced. That there's no better time to start really living your life than now.

6) Norbert Leo Butz & Sherie Rene Scott - The Last Five Years Soundtrack: For anyone who has not listened to the music from this show, you do not know what you're missing out on! While I'm still fairly new to the idea of Broadway musicals gracing my iTunes collection, I must admit that this soundtrack in particular is indulgent, emotional, and catchy. Butz & Scott play a couple, yet one of them tells the story from the beginning of the relationship, while the other tells the story starting from the end of the relationship. Come the middle of the show, both of them meet in the middle for their marriage, then continue on the timeline, where we find out what causes the end of the relationship, as well as just how much in love these two characters were when they first met. Every song is catchy while some incorporate funny lyrics, yet by the end, I guarantee you'll be in tears.

7) The Beatles - ANYTHING by them: While this doesn't exactly fit under the category of others understanding why you love it so much, The Beatles.......are iconic. I cannot even tell you how many albums I've purchased (or downloaded), posters I own, solo albums I've purchased, or all the memorabilia that is in my possession. When it comes to John, Paul, George, and Ringo.........I am completely in love. Their music transcends everything in life, brings me to a place of higher understanding and reason. Where The Stones, The Who, and Pink Floyd all played music that I feel is slightly rougher around the edges, The Beatles were known for their never-ending proclamation of love, peace, and understanding. They wanted people to embrace life and happiness, not to fight and kill one another. While some of their songs were a little silly and cutesy, most were amazingly touching and profound with the musical score, lyrics, and the combination of their vocal abilities. I mean, who else could sum it up on their final album with these words: And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. Epic.

8) Bright Eyes - First Day of My Life: While not exactly my cup of tea in the realm of music, Conor Oberst really hits it home with this song. Off of the album I'm Wide Awake It's Morning, it is what I consider one of the best Alternative/Emo-style love songs that one could write. The words simply explain the way the singer of the song feels about the one he loves. Instead of hoping for the unattainable, he has a sense of realism and knows that what he has right in front of him may be more important than trying to search the world for anything better. Because who is to say that there is anyone better? One of the most profound lines to me is the following line: But I'd rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery. Some may interpret this as just settling, but I see it as someone who wants something substantial out of life, rather than holding onto a dream or fantasy. I'm surprised this song has not started skipping on my cd yet......although I have made sure I've backed up my album on iTunes.

9) Jason Mraz - Life is Wonderful: Jason Mraz is a musical genius! Even though his music may come off as poppy and sometimes a little cheesy for the masses, some of his other works on the album are even better than the ones that make it onto pop charts! Aside from the fact that the album Mr. A-Z did not fare as well as Waiting for My Rocket To Come and We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things, this particular album's title track is one that I can't help but just play over and over. It also doesn't hurt that in a completely dorky way, Jason Mraz is cute! He carries that plaid fedora-guitarist look well. Profound lyric after profound lyric, and still kinda catchy all at the same time. While most of my friends don't get why I can like this song so much, I don't really care. It's one of my faves and I'm stickin' to it!

10) Jazz Music: I couldn't just pick any song, so I decided to make my last one on this list an homage to one of my favorite genres of all time......jazz. Most people I encounter look at me with confusion when I mention that I LOVE jazz, yet I'm sure if they listened to some of today's classics, they'd find that a few are covers of jazz standards. Just to name a few of my favorites: Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, Rosemary Clooney, Billie Holliday, John Coltrane, Erroll Garner, Hoagy Carmichael.......this list could go on! Each of these musicians perform songs that have made an impact on me musically, emotionally, and personally. What I love most is how the style of jazz evokes such emotion and depth. When I used to be painfully single, I could always find a song to fit that emotion. In times of needing peace, Coltrane became my method of unwinding. And even when I found love, I could always locate a song that fit that moment too.

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What I may consider a "guilty pleasure" may not be the same as the next person, but I don't care. I love to indulge in music altogether........and these are just a few of my favorite indulgences.

~Jenny Rockstar

Pass me the Kleenex for these musical gems......

When I was in college, one of my many passions was getting the chance to share my love and knowledge of music through my writing. Being a Managing Editor on our school newspaper, The Cormont, I felt I had the opportunity to be open about what I loved in certain types of music. There were articles about my favorite "panty picks", summer songs, artists to look out for, etc. And now, years later, I miss not continuing to do those. 

Oh sure, on occasion I've been known to make a few lists regarding my life or favorite songs off of mixes that I've created, but today after listening to an epic rendition of "Faithfully," I decided to start another list. What's been missing from my life is the ability to connect my favorite things the way I used to. It's not like I haven't been writing, but if you saw how many unfinished posts I actually had on my blog, you'd wonder why I didn't get the inspiration or drive to finish them. Truth is, I don't know how to continue them. Yes, I have passion while writing, but it fades when I've finally shared all the words I can. 

But today, I decided it was time to start using and combining my talents again, because without music or writing, I don't think I'd be who I am today. 

I wouldn't have been published in an Anthology. 

I wouldn't have learned how to sing. 

I wouldn't have learned how to play piano. 

I wouldn't have learned what it took to be in front of a crowd, sharing my most intimate moment through an artistic expression......and making them feel the emotion that I wanted to convey.

So today, after hearing "Faithfully" done so amazingly well by the cast of Glee, I decided to give you, in no particular order, my top ten 'tear-jerker' picks:

1) Faithfully by Journey (and the Glee Cast Version): This song is epic, on so many different levels. The words, the voice, the raw emotion that goes into Steve Perry's deliverance of the message. Yes, it's about a man sharing with the woman he loves that no matter what happens or where he goes, that she's the only one for him. Funnily enough, Steve Perry did not write this song, the keyboardist did. He wrote it for his wife to tell her that despite the fact that he was on the road away from her, he wanted to come home to her and only her. I can relate to that, dating a musician who is sometimes on the road while I'm at home, waiting for him to come home to me so I can remember all the reasons why I fell in love with him. And the version that the cast of Glee has created......just epic and beautiful. (For those of you who know the show, I think Finn and Rachel will definitely end up together, no matter what happens.)

2) Barbara by The Beach Boys: Yes, I know that they have a song Barbara Ann out there, but this song is different. It was written by Dennis Wilson and in my opinion, is just so simple with the words, but moving all the same. Dennis wrote it for his wife, conveying all the feelings that he feels when he's with her. Matt was the first one to introduce me to this song and I'm glad that he did, because we can relate to the words. I can still remember when I heard him share these words with me:

Every day is a special day for me
Living with you
Just being with you
All my love, for all my life, my love, my love
Just for you
For I love to sing songs for you

The simplicity in the meaning moved me to tears the first time I heard these words. And while it is another musician-themed song, where the song Faithfully is more epic, this one is more tender and sweet.

3) Your Song by Sir Elton John: Let's face it......Elton is the man when it comes to some of the all-time iconic songs of our lives! Goodbye Yellow Brick Road? Classic. Tiny Dancer? An instant sing-a-long hit! Candle in the Wind.......both versions? There is not a dry eye in the house. Yet this song......one of my favorites, carries such an intimate moment between a man and his lover. There he is, wanting to share that this is their song and while it's not perfect, it's theirs. I think on some level, we all wish we could have moments like that where we have someone who goes out of their way to share exactly what they're feeling.......in the most creative of ways. You can't help but want to love the song itself. Even the line about the color of the eyes, that he may have forgotten the color, but they're the most beautiful eyes he's ever seen. Who wouldn't want to hear those words? 

4) Never is a Promise by Fiona Apple: Not all 'tear-jerkers' are romantic ballads......even though it would be nice for each one to be romantically involved. But this doesn't mean that this song is any less Kleenex-worthy. Fiona Apple isn't really known for getting loud when she's hurt or angry in her music. Instead, she carries this "quiet storm" of emotion, grabbing you at the very core of your soul. I remember that when I first heard this song, it wasn't really moving to me......until my freshman year of college when my mother had succumbed to her manic-depressive state. At this time in my life, I was dealing with all of these feelings and emotions that I had never thought I'd be dealing with. I was only 18 years old, having to understand why my mother was constantly making me cry and feel guilty for being a regular teenager. It felt like she didn't know me, didn't care to know who I was, and instead did her best to make me feel like I wasn't good enough with the person that I wanted to be. I had to do everything she asked me to do. I had to sacrifice for her. I had to defend myself against the lies she had created in her delusions about my current home-life with my father. I can still remember the one line that always caught me:

I don't know what to believe in

You don't know who I am

I was so lost, thinking that I was supposed to have a mom who supported me and understood me. Someone who wouldn't tear me down any chance she had. Someone who could respect my wishes when I asked for space or time to process my feelings. And while I know now that she wasn't well when all this is happening, this song is still my go-to song when I need to just cry and process life.......Kleenex always on hand.

5) That I Would Be Good by Alanis Morissette: There's always a song or two that's necessary to hear when one feels insecure and unsure of life. And I'm sad to say that in quite a few years of my life, I've been insecure. I've felt like I haven't been good enough or strong enough to do the things I've needed to do. And while this isn't a strong, empowering number, it's one of those songs that has always reminded me that no matter what happens in my life, I was going to be ok, whether that be in a life I wasn't satisfied with or without people around me. I knew I could be just fine, I would always come out the other side. I may have had a few scars to show for it, but I'd get through everything the best way I knew how: one step at a time. 

6) Is It Okay If I Call You Mine? by Paul McCrane: I have my college friends and parents to thank for getting me into more musical theatre-type music. The first time I heard this song, I was a sophomore at Marymount College, hanging out in my friend Ileana's room. She kept raving about this song and knowing how much I loved music, wanted me to hear it. When I had met my ex-fiancee in my junior year, that song really hit home for me. I remember just how much I wanted to be with him, to call him mine for just a little while. Those words, just like most of my favorite songs, were simple and heartfelt, with a deeper meaning. I couldn't wait to be around him, to get to know him better. While I now find a deeper parallel with that song in my current boyfriend, I love how Paul McCrane's voice takes these simple phrases and hopes to share how even for at least a little while, he wants to be with this person that has consumed his thoughts. 

7) This Beauty by Amanda Rogers (Jupiter Sunrise): Not a mainstream number, but a moving song all the same. I love the way Amanda conveys how people view her as such a beautiful person, even though she may be talking about her own insecurities and pointing them out at every turn. And if she could, she would stop paying attention to the media's notion of the image of being beautiful and focus on what's important: what people really see when they look at her. With all the different types of media focusing on the idea of beauty being skinny waists and accentuating "the goods" with provocative apparel and makeup........it's easy for the women of our time to feel that disappointment when they can't live up to the standards that media wants them to be. But let's face it: it's better to truly be who you are rather than someone you're not. And the way Amanda Rogers evokes emotion in her song.......I definitely get just a little choked up.

8) Hello Again by Neil Diamond: Ah, how could I pass up not talking about Neil? Whenever I hear the strings intro to this song.......it gives me goosebumps. And the way they use this song in the movie The Jazz Singer? Such a classic scene. Neil comes back to his woman and when he sees her, all those old feelings return and in that moment, the only thing on his mind is just to tell her "hello" and to show her that he realizes how much he needs her in his life. He knows he has looked at her many times before, but this one is different. Whenever Matt is on the road and he calls me at after a show, I'm reminded of this song just a little bit. Just the idea that after all of the music, madness, and girls around him, that I'm the one he wants to talk to at the end of the night. And the words..........need I say anything more?

9) The Right Place by Andy Mac: Not all of my 'tear-jerkers' are mainstream/classic songs......this one is no exception! While I find some of the words to not be as clear-cut and simple as some of my other favorites, this gem is definitely one to not pass up. Mac delivers the idea that in the simplest of moments, one can realize that they are exactly where they need to be in life. More and more lately, I connect with that simple message. While for so long, I struggled with who I was in a relationship and kept coming up short, I found that relationship to change the game. That relationship that makes you realize that that person is what makes you feel more complete than you've felt in a long time. True, you should really be complete with  yourself before being in a relationship, but I love how this song really touches on the aspect of being complete with your significant other/love interest. The one person whose smile or quirky mannerism is all you need in life to feel everything fall into place. 

10) Question by Old 97s: While I know a few people won't understand how moving this song truly is, I'm going to take the time to put it as the final song on my list. Oh sure, there are sooooo many other songs that I could've come up with for this final number (and believe me, I'm a HUGE 'tear-jerker' song fan), but I have to share this one. A man putting into words the instant that he wants to propose to the one he loves. I could probably go on and on about how great this song is, but I'd rather you hear it. Simplistic and tender......perfect combination.

*BONUS*

11) Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley: Now yes, this is a cover of the Leonard Cohen version, but Jeff Buckley's version is so melodic and haunting. There are so many interpretations to the song itself, but I love the one I take from it: the idea of a love that hurts you so much it causes physical pain. There are so many songs about the fluffy, happy side of love that I love how this song is the "dark side," so to speak. Yes, the themes are more sexual and ominous, but that's what makes this work. One of my favorite verses is the following: 

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
You know, I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
And love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

The way Buckley sings about love being this cold and hurtful thing......it just makes you feel that heartbreak that he's telling you about. Oh yeah, a box of tissues is necessary to get through this number.

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I definitely plan on making more Top Tens, especially ones that focus on the types of music I'm surrounded by/love listening to/hate/stumbled upon by accident. Until then, if anyone has any ideas for a list, comments are appreciated! 

~Jenny Rockstar

Finding the "Glee" in life

I'll admit it......when I get into something, I'm always the first to dive headfirst into learning EVERYTHING and ANYTHING that I can about what interests me. When I was in high school and hit that "boy-band" phase, I could probably recite the birthdate and favorite color of the members of Hanson, Backstreet Boys, *N'Sync, and 98 Degrees. (Fortunately, I grew out of this awkward phase, even though my music collection from these years are still a guilty pleasure.) This also became my time to fall in love with Nicholas Brendon from Buffy The Vampire Slayer. And then by the time Senior Year rolled around, I was becoming heavily interested in '60s & '70s music after watching a made for TV movie about The Monkees and their rise (and fall) to fame. (The first time I met Peter Tork will always be one of my favorite memories.) This intro, while not in the same genre, led me to some of my current classic rock loves: The Beatles, The Who, Jimi Hendrix, Pink Floyd. 

Come college, I turned to more visual interests, immersing myself in shows like American Idol (I'm still convinced Clay Aiken was the winner) and Broadway musicals (thanks to my theater friends). Some of my friends brought me out to local shows, where I would meet more indie-style bands that soon became some of the most influential music in my life (refer to Jupiter Sunrise blog.) It also became a period in my life where I explored other genres of music like Jazz, Opera, Punk, Oldies, and anything that caught my fancy. I was always researching and learning as much as I could, hoping that I could find myself in those very things I had come to love and admire. When I would luck out and create that connection, life made sense for a change. I felt like I had understanding, even from something that would never know how much of an impact it would leave on me.

During my junior and senior year in college, as well as a few post-college years, my interests became more serious. I wanted to be the best writer at any subject that I felt passionate about, so I started researching issues pertaining to my life. My mother went undiagnosed for manic depression, so I explored that topic just as vigorously as I would learning about my favorite boy bands. When it came to writing about the Army and what was supposed to be my future life, I buried myself in guidebooks and stories that Army Wives had written before me. And as for music, I learned about music that had never quite interested me before, but I felt determined to learn more about. I felt the push to be an adult and to stop dreaming and learning about the passions that had driven me before in life. I was going to be living on my own. I was going to be married. I was an adult who needed to act like one, something that I wish I hadn't done.

My music choices reflected that, as it became harder for me to find new music that spoke to me in the way it had before. There would be the occasional song here and there, but nothing that really grabbed me the way things used to. I struggled a lot with knowing who I was in these years, trying to understand my part in the world. 

I wasn't writing the amazing stories in Rolling Stone Magazine that I had hoped to write. 

I wasn't getting to rub elbows with the musicians/actors that impacted my life up to that point. 

I wasn't living up to my full potential, nor was I able to find a way that helped me to do that. My inspiration felt lacking.....at least for a while. 

But all of that has changed in the past couple of years, as I found myself in a new relationship and a new chapter in my life. And with that, my interests started to come back slowly, but surely. I danced more, worried less, and stopped trying to push forward when clearly it wasn't making a difference. There had to be another way around the wall I had in front of me.

And then, about a month or two back, I started to watch the show Glee. I managed to catch an episode here and there, but nothing serious. It just seemed like another silly show on television.....I didn't give it much thought. All it looked like was another teeny bopper show that would catch on with pre-pubescent teens. Then one night with my boyfriend Matt, I watched the infamous Madonna episode.......and things were never the same. I decided to give the show another chance and really became intent on watching the plot unfold.

I know it sounds silly to think that a simple TV show could change my perspective on life (because it hasn't), yet the simple story about a show choir trying to rise from the ashes and the mini-dramas and conflicts they are faced with presented in a somewhat comedic manner.......I couldn't help but feel a sense of understanding towards its message. It brought me back to my high school chorus days and from there, I felt a sense of nostalgia. I remember being like Rachel Berry in trying to snag every solo I dreamed of having, as well as dealing with unrequited feelings for any boy that I had even liked. I remember feeling like the outcast in school as I became known for being somewhat of a writing/music geek......minus slushie facials. I sometimes felt like Tina, wanting to avoid having to deal with people, marching to the beat of my own drum, especially when in my own high school years I dealt with some tough and eye-opening experiences. And in some strange way, I also remember feeling like Finn, always trying to find my voice and my place in the thick of it all.........the show brought me back to that girl I had been....and the one I had always wanted to be.

With a new determination, I set out to find out more about the show, as well as try to watch every episode with a renewed enthusiasm for life. Almost every character reminded me of people I went to school with; the line drawn between athletics and the arts something I could relate to in a big way. Watching each episode, it felt like I was watching my high school ambitions and dreams each week. 

Finding my place in the world. 

Having to make difficult choices that truly shaped who I wanted to become. 

Hearing the song in my heart and following it with everything I had.

But what struck me the most is for the first time in a long time, I found myself passionate and ambitious to learn about something new. It's important to have interests and mini-obsessions with things......you learn a lot about yourself from what you like. I'm always trying to find my own happiness in life with everything I have. But sometimes, when it doesn't feel like enough, you need to change up the game a little. Just one little change always seems to renew the goals you seek, not for its ability to rattle around the status quo, but for how it makes you appreciate your own dreams even more.

I'm always going to be afraid that I'm not going to make it where I want to be in life, but I'm going to push past that fear. 


Because I know I'm going to be a wonderful writer that will one day write a book that will change my life and impact those around me. 


Because I know that if I want to meet those people that have had a significant impact on my life, it will happen if I believe in it. 

Because I'm not afraid to be that girl who randomly breaks out singing while walking down the quiet boardwalk at 10 pm, envisioning everything I've ever wanted just being there for the taking. 


Because I know I have a voice that is going to move mountains. 


Because when I stand against the wind with a song in my heart and a dream in my soul.........nothing can stop me. 

I think we all need a little "glee" in our lives, those simple things that help us to make it through the days and keep us smiling and strong. Without it, life doesn't always seem so shiny and bright.......without those dreams, you lose sight of you.

~Jenny Rockstar