Thanks for the memory of things I can't forget........

It was Oscar Wilde who once wrote "Memory...is the diary that we all carry about with us." 

Wilde was definitely a very gifted writer and very profound in this statement, for it is our own mind and senses that help to preserve those memories that we carry on in our lives. For me, just the smell of a pack of Dentyne gum conjures up those memories of spending time with my Grandma Shirley when I was a budding young lady. The taste of chocolate-covered Pocky reminds me of those random movie nights with my friend Danielle in college. Even a mere glimpse at photographs of Central Park gives me the solace that I would get from walking around Manhattan.

But when it comes to music, my memories are the strongest. Most say it is scent, but when I hear a familiar song, I can piece together some of the most wonderful (or heart-wrenching) memories in my life. Just a few opening notes of a familiar tune takes me away to a moment as simple as brushing my teeth or as significant as the moment my senior year of college really hit me.

1) Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd: One of the greatest Pink Floyd songs has one of the simplest memories attached to it. I can remember standing in front of the mirror of the bathroom at Matt's house, brushing my teeth and getting ready to drive up North for work. Matt, as always, was awake (after 4-5 hours of sleep) and in a music mood. Picking up his acoustic, he serenaded me with some Elton John and Oasis.........but it was Floyd that stood out the most. Standing at the door of the bathroom, he started to strum this song and suddenly, it took on a new meaning for us. It was more than just a song at that moment. It was our relationship taking that next level and being some more meaningful than either of us could have ever imagined. Whenever Matt and the guys play it at a show, I am transported back to that moment. And yes, I even think about Colgate.

2) Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) by Green Day: So yes, I associate this song with my ex-boyfriend in more ways than one would know, but this one is not solely about him. More importantly, I think about my last Drama Club showcase in my senior year. Our theme was the idea of growing up, set to song, dance, and acting numbers. For my number, I chose this song for the way that it talks about life and how no matter what, as long as you enjoyed it, it was worth it. It was the second to last individual number of the night before our group encore and as nervous as I was, I came out in my own attire, quote book in hand. Walking down the aisle and through the audience, I made my way to one of the front corners of the stage, plopping down and opening the book to a favorite poem of mine. In there, I tucked some familiar pics of my ex and friends, making sure to give a genuine, thoughtful smile before the song started. By the end of the song, I was in tears, moved by the moment.

3) 867-5309 by Tommy Tutone: Before Matt joined Big Bang Baby, I HATED when anyone called me Jenny. You can call me Jennifer, you can call me Jenn, but never had I been able to accept it when someone would call me Jenny. It was the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. When friends would attempt to call me Jenny, I cringed. Because, in all honesty, I didn't feel like a Jenny. But then came Big Bang Baby and before I knew it, I had inherited the nickname of........Jenny. And while on occasion I still do cringe at the nickname, it makes me smile knowing that even though it's not my preferred choice of name, that the boys from the band prefer to call me that. It's like their own personal nickname for me. Since this song is played at most of the shows I am at, I always feel like it's a reminder of just how much I consider these guys family.

4) With You In Your Dreams by Hanson: About 12 years ago, I lost my Grandma Shirley to lung cancer. To this day, it affects me almost as deeply as it did when I was 14 and in my freshman year of high school. During this time, my love for classic rock took a minor back-burner to my love of pop and boy bands. You name the band, I probably had their album. Yet in my freshman year, Hanson became my favorite band, despite all the ridicule I would get for listening to them. While since then I have found other bands to love, this one in particular I will always remember when I think of my Grandmother. Before she died, she gave me a Hanson t-shirt, along with a few glossy head-shots of them (courtesy of Eggo and their promotion at the time). Yet what makes this song stand apart is that Hanson wrote this song for when their own grandmother passed away. And so, when that fateful day came for me, I put that t-shirt on and played this particular track, crying as I listened to every word. Later on that summer, I got the chance to see them live and in the midst of one amazing show, this song came on. With my parents and friends around me, I cried, knowing that this was my grandmother's way of reminding me she was with me. Even now, I still get teary-eyed whenever I listen to this on my iTunes.

5) I Turn To You by Melanie C. - When I was a senior in high school, this song came out on the radio. Coincidentally, this was also the year I got my driver's license and started to give my friend & neighbor Manny rides home from school. Also a complete coincidence, just about any time we got in the car, this song would without fail, always come on in the car, whether it be on KTU or Z100. Manny and I always shared a laugh over hearing it and in time, would sing loud and proud to the song. When I graduated from high school, we lost touch as I went to college and immersed myself in lots of different activities with new friends. But even now, years later, when Manny and I seem to catch up, he'll give me that little reminder with a YouTube link or a line from the song.......and it will be like nothing has changed.

6) Twist and Shout by The Beatles - So imagine, if you will, my freshman year of college. I was starting to come out of my shell quite a bit in this year, making more friends and memories than I could have ever imagined. Then the Student Activities Director comes up to you and asks you to be a part of the Talent Show for Spirit Week. And in that moment, it's a chance to really break out and show the student body what you're made of. So in a black mini-skirt, one-shouldered purple tank, and knee-high black boots with fishnets, you're ready to take on the crowd! After several ballads, this is the chance to get the crowd up and moving......and your friends are ready to come out and help you! When that music starts, it's like something takes over you, urging you out into the spotlight as you belt it out just like John did when The Beatles covered this song. Before you know it, the crowd is up and out of their seats, screaming and cheering as loud as they can! And when the song is over, you've proven to the rest of the school that while you're usually quiet and reserved, you definitely know how to rock out! From that moment on, I made it a point to participate in as many Drama Club productions and Talent Showcases that I could be a part of.......because in this moment, I learned how incredible it felt to pull myself out of my shell and become who I am today.........Jenn.

7) No Rain by Blind Melon - While Big Bang Baby may cover this song now, I can remember being 9 or 10 years old the first time I heard this song. I remember that video distinctly as the bumblebee video. Just the opening strains of this song and I still smell the chlorine of my friend Mari's pool, the feel of the wind on my face from riding our bikes around the neighborhood, and the taste of a tall glass of refreshing iced tea. And most importantly, I can close my eyes and remember my childhood.......and how that summer began a tremendous change in my life. I was gaining more friends, breaking away from my parents (even though it was difficult), and learning more and more about the world around me. And sometimes, what I wouldn't give for the feeling of my clothes sticking to me after a good swim on a hot summer day.

8) Unforgettable by Nat King Cole - More than anything else, when I hear this song, I can close my eyes and still see my grandfather's face and the way he saw me peruse his music collection. I was an inquisitive six year old, plucking such gems as Tony Bennett and Frank Sinatra out from the small stack of cassette tapes. As the stereo played oldies and we talked about music, I can remember hearing the first few notes of Unforgettable and asking my Pop-Pop about this song. He then told me about Nat King Cole........and I became intrigued with this song. It was at this moment I knew that I wanted to learn the piano and become involved in music. In fact, the main reason I decided that music was my path was because I was determined to take lessons and figure out how to play this song. My Pop-Pop taught me a lot about life and how sometimes taking big risks (like divorce) can lead you to where you should be. Even now, at 26 years (8 years since the passing of my Pop-Pop), I hear this song anywhere and I'm taken back to one of the most defining moments in who I wanted to be.......tears to always follow.


9) Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World - Although I do remember hearing the band perform this live, what really stuck out about this song is that when Matt and I were in the beginning stages of dating, my ex sent me this song on my phone....with him playing and singing the sorrowful ballad. The song was written for two fans who were killed in a car accident in Cali......and the band wrote a song mourning their loss. While I didn't lose someone to death, hearing this song was like mourning the end of the past four years of my life.........as I got ready to embrace the future that lay before me. So much had happened and this song made me feel like I could finally have closure on a huge chapter of my life. Every once in a while, when I hear this song, I can now smile knowing that whatever happened is over and now my life has really begun.

10)  Because I Got High by Afroman - All of my other picks on this list have been meaningful in more life-changing ways. But this one? Not so much. The summer before starting college, my friends and I all got into the Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back soundtrack. Being cliche and being huge Kevin Smith fans, we would listen to that album over and over again, always quoting the dialogue tracks and singing along with our favorite songs! And while there were better songs on that soundtrack than this one, I remember this one the most, because whenever I close my eyes I can still hear the laughter and camaraderie that existed between all of us that summer. The night before I moved into school, we went to see this movie on its opening night, sharing in one final get-together before we all parted ways in the next chapter of our lives. 

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It's important to have memories, even when you don't want to remember them. They give you the confidence to keep going (or to take a step back when re-assessing). The push in the direction you've needed to go. And if those memories come with a kickass soundtrack, then at least you have something to listen to while you remember.

~Jenny Rockstar