try a little patience....

Sometimes, I wish I could possess the ability to exert more patience.

I try to, as much as possible. In my line of work, patience is necessary, whether it be as a photographer or as a secretary. But even me, someone who endeavors to prove that I can handle anything that life throws at me, in the form of rebellious kids or unruly clients, I get flustered.

Today was no exception, as call after call came in, with no time to breathe or function. I felt the resolve cracking and the urge to unleash the irritation I so carefully hide from my profession make its way into my very existence. In the few moments that I did get to catch my breath, I didn't feel like it was enough to satisfy my balance. 

Before my daily check-in with Matt during lunch, before I was able to unwind with my tomato/avocado salad and homemade iced tea, before I could check-out for thirty minutes of (almost) uninterrupted bliss....I had complete and utter chaos.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job, I love that I'm learning so many new things that I have never done before. But at times, the patience wears thin....

and then I heard about a passing of a young man who lost his fight to cancer. I didn't know him, yet when I read that post that he finally found peace from the pain, that frustration meant nothing. These little meaningless nuisances in my day can't compare to a family who loses their child, their sibling, their loved one. 

I can control my ability to be patient, even when it feels like I'm not in control. But I can't control death. No one can control death, not even the best doctors can play God forever. Mortality does a hell of a number on you when you've pushed it from your mind.

So now, while I have a moment to breathe and enjoy my lunch, before I call Matt and remind him in our 30 seconds of phone conversation that I love him and I hope his day is going well, I choose to exert patience and share my feelings. I forget how important talking about those pesky things are, even when all you want to do is curl into a ball and retreat inside yourself.

I need patience with others....and with myself. I'm still a work in progress and not everything is going to be perfect. My thoughts will be jumbled, I'll make more mistakes than I'll want to admit, and I'll be flawed. But that's okay, as long as right now, I make a conscientious effort to remind myself that patience is a virtue....one I am willing to work on.

Jenn's Patience Playlist:

1) Sullen Girl - Fiona Apple
2) Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell
3) Walking Away - Craig David
4) Our House - Madness

~Jenny Rockstar 

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