Blurring the lines of dichotomy....

Nowadays, I'm convinced that the notion of Good vs. Evil is not, nor will it ever be, as clear-cut as many of us think. Unless, you know, you count those shows they air on TruTV....some of those people are absolutely nuts.

But after mulling everything over today, I am reminded of how I have always tried to see the good in people, even in those who have proven to have a dark side. Call it crazy, call it naive, but I believe that in each of us, there is light...just as there is darkness. And in those who feel comfortable in the darkness, I am intrigued to learn even more about them. 

I refuse to let my past dictate how I feel about it. I've been burned and my scars run deeper than I show anyone, a rough childhood that gave way to some even rougher adulthood decisions. Yet here I stand, as strong and tall as one can be in the face of adversity....although I'm sure anyone who knows me now (and knows nothing of my past) would not correlate parts of my past with my present. 

But that was then and this is now....and I can't let the darkness dim my world. Instead, I make it a point to share my light with others. It's important to remember that even in the worst people, there are qualities that are inherently good as well. (And that even some of the best people have an ugliness to their soul.)

I can't lose faith in humanity and somehow, I feel I have forgotten that as of late, as I juggle work, wedding plans, family, trying to spend as much time with Matt as physically possible, finding time for friends, finding time for me, and anything that makes me feel "balanced" internally. I've lost my need to seek out that light and darkness, to understand life and the importance of learning anything and everything I can.  

I think now I've found my personal project for this year: to seek out the good in all walks of life....and to write about those moments. I'm tired of feeling bogged down by the negatives and allowing them to fill me with anger and frustration...like today. I'm better than this, because that dark path is not meant for me in the long-run. Sure, there will be times I walk down that path, but staying on that path for the rest of my life? Never.  

I'm not really a church-goer (anymore), nor am I an atheist. I merely believe in being a good person and surrounding myself with as many different types of individuals as I can. Keeps life interesting, as well as brings a new level of knowledge in my social life. (I can't help but be fascinated what my friends contribute to our life discussions.)

There's beauty in us all. There's meaning in that balance. And I, for one, want to try to make some sense of it. Otherwise, if I don't try to understand, am I really living? 

~ Jenny Rockstar

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